It's a God Thing

It's NEVER too late!

2012-01-01T23:52:00.000-05:00

Praise the Lord. New Day. New Week. New Month. New Year. Welcome 2012.

Today I enjoyed an amazing church service, some time with friends and family and a little lazy down time. I watched the 2007 movie, Waitress that I randomly caught with 45 minutes left; something I usually never do because who wants to watch the end of a movie you have never seen? Not this girl. But, for some reason I was intrigued and kept watching. And then, there it was. A scene when a elderly man, Old Joe, tenderly looked at his young pregnant friend Jenna who was just stuck in life and passed on some wisdom. Wisdom that leaped off the screen and right into my spirit!

Old Joe: "I am sayin' my whole life I spent lost. The sign said go this way, I'd go the other way. Time after time after time I'd turn the wrong corner, make the wrong choice. Went the wrong way like a chicken without a head. Do you understand?"

Jenna: "You were a chicken without a head?"

Old Joe: "Jenna, listen to me please. I'm sayin' make the right choice. Start fresh. It's never too late. Start fresh.

Now, this spoke to me on so many levels and I just wanted to share it. No matter where you are in life, no matter if you are a new mom, a seasoned mom, a grandmother, a single woman, this quote can speak volumes and I needed it. It reminded me that I can't change my past but I can change my future. No matter what 2011 looked like, 2012 can be better.

I'm making changes. I'm claiming my fresh start. I'm tired of "going in circles", doing the same things, getting the same results. I'm walking in faith one day at a time. I am believing God and I'm moving forward. I don't know where you are right now emotionally, spiritually, or physically but God does. He sees your heart, He knows what you are going through and He is just waiting for you to make the right choice.

It's never too late. Start Fresh.

Dare to Love

2011-11-10T14:49:00.000-05:00

Love. We all long for it. Many abuse it. Some never find it. Few rarely walk in it.

What is Love? Webster's II defines love as an intense affection; a feeling of attraction resulting from sexual desire; enthusiasm or fondness When I asked my teenage daughter and her friend how they would define love they responded, "it's when you have strong feelings for someone, would do anything for them and you put them before yourself." Society depicts love as a fleeting sexual affair full of bliss and has adapted a "throwing-away" mentality that when a relationship gets difficult, it's time to walk away.

But, for the final word on how to define love, we must look to the Bible. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. Love never fails.." In 1 John 4:8 the Bible states, "He who does not love does not know God, for God is Love."

Many songs, poems, and books have been written about love. Debating or trying to teach about love would be frivolous. As always, my intention in blogging is just to share how the Lord is working in my life. I have written a couple blogs on love and my personal battles, the last one was February 28, 2010 titled, "Love & the Battle Within"...looking back, the Lord has been healing and patiently waiting on me. And, I have been struggling, changing and growing.

One of my biggest struggles came when I read Gary Chapman's, The Five Love Languages because I wanted to bring "new life" into my 19 year marriage. When I read that the "in love" experience is euphoric..an illusion and realistically only lasts about two years I became angry. Memories flooded my senses, I began to miss those early years and didn't understand why God would allow us to "fall" so hard and deeply "in-love" only for those feelings not to last and become something you have to "work for." As I read on (and it seems every where I turned) I kept hearing, reading and seeing that love is a choice.

Love is a choice? What?!?! Are you serious? I am ashamed to admit that was my reaction. But, I pressed in and I am pressing on. I am beginning to see that love is truly a decision and not just a feeling. I understand this now, not only with my spouse, but in all relationships with family, friends, and church.

One thing that I have learned in my life is that there is a deep longing in the human soul and even as a child I began to look for love in all the wrong places to fill that void. I began to build walls to protect me from getting hurt, and when I started getting too close to someone I would shut down. I thank God that He didn't build such a wall. God loved us so much, even with all our "mess", He sent Jesus to die for us. It's only been in the past year that I have truly let God love me and allowed Him to fill me with His love. It has not been easy for me, and I'm sure it hasn't been easy for my family and friends. Just recently I caught myself trying to push someone away that I have become close to, I realized this the day after I acted like an idiot over something completely irrelevant. It was through God's mercy and grace that He showed me this pattern and the Holy Spirit quickly guided me to repent and admit my shortcomings to them. I praise the Lord because this was such a breakthrough for me. I'm not only daring to love...with true love, I'm letting others love me.

Sometimes I just weep because I don't understand how He can love me so much, I am nothing. But, because of His love I can rise up and allow Him to break down my misconceptions of love. I have let God fill that longing in my soul with His unconditional love. I am learning to love myself, despite myself. I am learning to lead my heart and love others, despite themselves. And, I am moving into a deeper love walk with my husband.

I know that love may come so natural for some. But, for others like myself, it's been a journey in realizing it's a choice, making a firm decision to love has been a revelation. I'm thankful that I'm learning to walk in love. If your one like me, I encourage you...dare to love too.

YES....I will Clean and Pull those Weeds!

2011-07-27T11:58:00.000-04:00

As I looked around the house this week I realized there is some serious cleaning that needs to be done. Not just the quick pick up and go as I've been doing alot of lately. But a scrub the floors, wipe down furniture with murphy oil soap, and scrub bathrooms kind of clean. And, to top that off, when I walked outside Monday I saw my walkway with weeds taking root and choking out my bushes and flowers my mom and I planted this spring.

These household tasks haven't been done because I've either been too lazy or just been out and about enjoying the pool, etc. and well, let's just say it ....avoiding the "deep cleaning" and "pulling weeds" in the hot summer days. So, here I am having coffee, listening to K-love and "thinking" about all these things that need to be done when it hit me. Or should I say, Holy Spirit strikes again. Not only have I been avoiding the physical tasks at hand, I've been avoding the spiritual cleaning that I personally need as well! OUCH!

Many times we get so distracted and caught up in everyday life that we just run through our daily chores with a quick "swiffer" picker upper and put stuff out of sight so we (or others) don't have to see the mess. And, sadly we do the same thing spiritually and emotionally. We don't want to stop long enough to deal with any of the mind battles and struggles we are facing. We don't want to address the emotional roller coaster we may be on - so we tend to just "cover up" by staying even more busy and distracted! Before long, we have dust settling in our spirit, "stuff" consuming our thoughts, and we have weeds choking out the joy of the Lord in our life - hiding the beauty a daily spirit-filled woman of God possesses.

My challenge for the remainder of the week is as I work from room to room, I will stop and ask the Lord to reveal areas in my heart, mind and spirit that needs a dusting, deep cleaning and even "weeding". I know I have them.....this is a journey. We aren't perfect. And along the way we pick up some dirt and allow the "weeds" of the world to chock out what the Lord wants to blossom. I want to be ever growing, ever becoming a clean vessel for the Lord to use.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

Garbage In, Garbage Out

2011-04-20T09:46:00.000-04:00

I grew up hearing my stepmother say, "Garbage In, Garbage Out." This phrase simply means when you are constantly feeding your spirit "garbage" that's what is going to come out! The Word of God says it this way, "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." We could further say this...out of the heart the mind speaks, feels and the body acts. As a parent of two teenagers - this phrase is continually on my lips. I don't think I'm getting through to them so much right now, but at least I am sowing into their lives and giving them some guiding principles. I'm heartbroken at what has become of what should be the most innocent and carefree days of their lives.

I see the biggest change beginning in Middle School. I believe Middle School is hard enough when children are trying to discover their identity, go through puberty, and process new relationships; but when you mix in all the "technology and media" they become consumed and their spirit goes into turmoil. The constant gaming, texting, social networking sites, "apps" for phones, "risky" television shows, etc. creates a dumping site in their spirit. Their minds don't even have a chance to "shut down" and relax, the junk just keeps piling up.

Even though we don't want to admit it or think about it, these are the years when the girls are realizing they like boys and vice versa. These are the years when they should be sneaking around playing "spin the bottle", "truth or dare" and "kissing tag". Don't get me wrong; I HATE to think about such things, because that's my baby we are talking about, BUT in reality it's part of growing up. Sadly, today they aren't running around playing these games, they are "sexting", sending "nude or inappropiate pictures", watching televisions shows made for teenagers that make ME blush!, and living in a world of constant drama.

As much as we want to shelter our children from them we can't always to do so. We have to keep things "real" with them and be honest about what they are experiencing. One of the biggest mistakes we have made as parents was to allow our kids to get cells phones and facebook in middle school. I can't go back and change that now, I can only discipline, guide them and monitor their usuage. I am convinced that the constant 24/7 intake of "catty drama", texting, facebook, music, and TV shows they are watching is producing the "garbage" overflow in their spirits. When the spirit (full of trash) just can't take anymore it overflows out of the mouth and body with disrespect and rebellion. This is true at any age really - but for me I'm living through it so I can see the clarity through my teenagers. Sadly, I do see it in adults and at times have to "check myself" at what I am allowing into my spirit.

The Bible tells us to fill our minds with good things in Philippians 4:8-9. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

As parents we need not only guard our own hearts, it's up to us to protect our children from the "garbage" penetrating theirs. I contantly hear "I'm the only kid who doesn't have...., I'm the only one who isn't allowed.., You don't understand..., I hate my life...etc". But, I am okay with that because the Lord made me responsbile for my children and I answer to Him alone.

I'm a mother to my teenagers; not their friend. I make mistakes, they make mistakes...but that's what unconditional love is...full of grace and mercy. We just have to keep our eye on the prize and perservere. I'm holding on to the promise of God, "Train up a child in they way they should go, and he will not depart from it."

Losing My Life

2011-03-15T13:29:00.000-04:00

I'm totally amazed by God. I know that people say that all the time; but really - I am. I started down a path at the beginning of the year with one thing in mind - myself. If you read my last post you can get a glimpse of what I'm talking about. Now, for the most part - I am still digging deep and reflecting on "me" so that I can be all the God wants me to be, but my intentions are different. I am discovering me again while allowing the Lord to lead me. However, what God has done over the past month and half I honestly didn't see coming.

I am reminded that, "the Lord has plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans for a hope and a future." (Jer 29:11), The Message reads it this way - This is God's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

What happens when a child of God embarks on her own journey without consulting her Father? Well I can tell you first hand...it's not a pleasant experience. Even though I had spiritual unrest and turmoil I kept rebelling from what I knew was the right thing because all I could see was the tempting deception of the enemy. I'm so thankful for a merciful God. He gently reminded me often but I still retreated in the flesh, over and over. Then, it happened. I received such a stern and direct warning from the Lord that I ran to the cross. And, when I did - He spoke clearly to me; "Melissa, in order to save your life you first must lose it."

Now - this may be scary for some people to process. But, this is from the word of God. I knew that and I had to dig in my bible to find it. Matthew 16:25 reads, "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." This of course is not in the literal sense but in the spiritual way of dying to the flesh and being spirit-led.

My husband wisked me away to a cabin in the middle of nowhere so we could enter into prayer together. We read, prayed and rested for 2 days. That weekend literally saved my life.

I can honestly say now I am doing ME but, I am the ME that the Lord so desires. I gave up my worldly ambitions, the ones that did not include Him. I walked away from my career. His plan for me is to get my home in order - spiritually, emotionally, and financially. The woman is the HEART of the home, I am busy nurturing my teenagers to become rooted and grounded in the word, to love and respect. I don't have much time left with them in my home. I am busy being my husband's help-mate - his support. I often worried that it was "too late" for some things but God has everything in control and His timing is perfect. I'm thankful that He heard my cries and He is right on time.

I'm so excited about this season in my life. Who knew that my total peace would come when I totally abandoned myself for the Lord and my family. I'm not going to look at the past and kick myself for the years I spent going in circles....I'm going to look to the bright and promising future that the Lord has promised through my obedience and faith.

Thank You Jesus - I'm truly humbled.

Finding "Me"...in 2011

2011-01-24T00:13:00.001-05:00

Well, here we are...January is almost over and I haven't blogged since Christmas Eve. The New Year brought about some self-reflecting and change. I've always been pretty transparent in my posts, I guess it’s because I just express myself through writing and I'm pretty much a "what you see is what you get kind of girl."

This post will just be an update of the happenings in "my world." I quit my job to pursue a different career path - I'm pretty excited about the challenges ahead and the places I'm going. I have also been reading two books: Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey and Eat. Pray. Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Both books are presenting me with challenges and causing me to do a lot of reflecting and forward-thinking.

I'm truly at a crossroads in my life. I've come to realize that over the years I've lost sight of who I truly am. I know who I am in Christ. I know who I am as a mother and wife. But, who am I really? And what do I want out of my life? I know that I can't be the first person to ask these questions.

I got married right out of high school when I was 18 years old. I've been married for 20 years and have been a mother for 16. I think many women jump into being a wife and mother and get caught up in that life and soon they lose themselves in the routines of taking care of everybody else…before you know it - they don’t recognize the person in the mirror.

I may catch some resistance and/or judgments on this next statement but that’s okay because part of my growth is that I realize as long as I am good with “me” – that’s what matters. So, I’ve declared 2011 a year of self-discovery. My girlfriends and I commonly joke about the phrase, “It’s all about ME.” But, I think there is something in that statement. I’m going to challenge myself to dig deep and truly discover what my hopes and dreams are, what are my goals and what do I want to accomplish in life. I do understand that as a Christian my life should be a life of servant hood and a life all about Him. The common phrase is, “It’s all about Him, not about me.” But, I also get that I need to take a look at my life…reflect and set goals of where I want to be in 10, 20, and even 30 years from now but also ask where does the Lord want me to be. Because in the end, when I look back on my life I want no regrets. I don't want to be the one sitting around wishing I had done things differently or blaming someone else for what I didn't do.

I know some will disagree with me, some will not and some won’t care because they are on their own journey and feel it’s none of their business. Amy Grant and Mindy Smith wrote a song called, “Find What Your Looking For” based on Amy’s grandmother’s wisdom. She used to tell Amy, “There’s a little good in the worst of us, and a little bad in the best of us, so it never behooves any of us to criticize the rest of us.” It’s a beautiful song and I will cling to that when the judgments come. It’s not about anybody else anyway…who I am - is about me. I’ve lost part of me. Therefore - I’m good with what lies ahead. I’m prepared for unleashing what lies within and with facing the challenges to get there.

In the end - I'm going to be good with "me", the "me" that I can't wait to get to know and the "me" that's going to enjoy life and be happy.

It's Christmas Eve.....

2010-12-24T13:05:00.000-05:00

I woke up early today with anticipation of the activity that was going to take place here in my little nook of the woods! This year we are staying home and I am cooking a dinner for my family. My grandson will be here and a new tradition is being birthed. I am equal parts sad and happy. I do miss my mom and the traditional Christmas Eve celebration at her house but being home is also a nice relaxing change, even though I am preparing for the hustle and bustle of family.

I was so hoping for a white Christmas this year; but it seems like our snow storm is weaking as it approaches - but I'm stilling believing in miracles. This Christams season has definately been a relaxed one as all my shopping was wrapped up on Black Friday. I have been able to enjoy my evenings soaking up the Lifetime Christmas movies. I would stay up late each night watching at least one movie! I just love how a movie can stir up excitement, joy and sometimes bring tears too.

I also hosted a Cookie Exchange in my home. I invited 6 women to bake cookies and come exchange with eachother. We laughed and played Apples to Apples...of course we ate dessert and drank tons of coffee. I'm so thankful for that night; I truly treasure those friendships, each one is unique and special to me.

Yesterday my family and I went and served in the local food pantry. What a ministry. I was truly humbled by the amount of people lining up for food and clothing. As my family packed each food order with care I found myself imaging receiving the food. If it was a family of 6, I had to assume there were lots of children and I begin to pick out the desserts and miscellaneous items with care. I truly worked in love. I was thrilled to be able to call their number and have them pick out their own produce. My son loaded their cars or walked them to the bus stop with their bags. My daughter was the organized one, logging the orders, recording the weight given and keeping us moving in sync. It was amazing. There was a sweet moment that truly tickled my heart when an older woman just embraced me and kissed me on the cheek as she said,"Merry Christmas and Thank You." Wow. I honestly can not wait to return and serve them.

Now, I sit in my kitchen, coffee in hand savoring the moment that is just all mine. I am reflecting on the many events over the last few weeks and just allowing myself for a brief moment to look into my future with hope. I don't want to get ahead of myself - so I slowly bring back my thoughts to today because I am going to just enjoy the present.

This afternoon and evening will be filled with love, laughter, games, endless food and gifts. What a treasure to be able share these moments with my children and grandchild. I'm truly amazed by God's goodness.

Merry Christmas Eve ... relish in the moment.

An Unexpected Twist

2010-12-07T21:53:00.000-05:00

Self-Reflection is a good thing. I have been reflecting on my life and trying to make every day count. In addition to my new Christmas traditions, I want to make some permanent changes. It seems I blinked and my children became teenagers, the kind of teenagers that like to hibernate in their rooms every evening. So, I decided we were going to call them out of their "caves", make them ditch the cellphones and watch a family movie.

I had DVR'd the movie that K-love was talking about, A Walk in My Shoes and I wanted all of us to see it together. I was pretty excited about it because we all snuggled up on our couch with our blankets and began our family time. I just knew this was going to be a great night, an opportunity for us to talk about the movie, be silly and just love on eachother.

In the movie a teenage boy was asked to write an english paper on an incident that changed his life. I began to think about what I would write about and wondered if my kids were thinking the same thing. It addressed some good topics such as honor and considering the consequences of your actions. As I looked over at my daughter I saw that she had fallen asleep. I have to admit, I was disappointed. I thought, great..there goes our family time and my hopes that she could take something away from watching the movie too. But, I just let her sleep while the rest of us watched the movie.

I don't want to give the movie away, but I will say that the evening took an unexpected twist as I watched the main character and all that she went through. I realized that I could relate to some of what she "was" and then what she was going to become. There was a defining moment for me when she realized for herself that alot of the caos in her life was because she wasn't slowing down long enough to just listen to her own family - to really, really listen to them. She was being selfish by working and cleaning and making sure everything was "perfect."

I get so frustrated, mostly on a daily basis because things aren't cleaned the way I think they should be, we don't have enough time to do certain things around the house or have too many errands to run. But, what I have been missing is just the "relational" part of the family, the just being us and enjoying all the craziness of us. Strong families are rare. I want my family to be happy, secure, strong and full of love.

I had hoped to get the kids to realize how much they need to spend time with us and do more around the house and value our family time but at the end of the movie, I realized it was for ME. I just love how God reveals things even through the most simple things...like a movie. I need to be a better listener for my family, and I need to be more available with my quality time. I am truly blessed.

"You can't change the past but you can overcome it, it's up to you." - A Walk in My Shoes

It is a WONDERFUL Life

2010-12-05T09:39:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas! This is truly my favorite time of year, ever since I was a little girl my mom made sure Christmas was always amazing. Santa seemed to favor my house of course because the piles of presents for two children were always scattered wide and stacked high. My brother and I would make a grand entrance so that she could capture the magic of the moment. As an adult these are memories I will always cherish; it didn't matter if my mom was jobless, single, lonely, or stressed - somehow the miracle of Christmas brought a joy to our home and thankfulness to our hearts.

When I became a parent I embraced many of the traditions my mom started. When I had small children running around and anticipating the big day I found myself lavishing them with love through gift-giving too. Of course, Christmas is not about the presents and Santa - my kids have been blessed with a rich heritage of a Christian home. They know the ultimate gift of Jesus and why we celebrate Christmas. But in addition to that, I loved to see the same reactions we had through my children. My mom allowed my brother and I to truly enjoy that one time of year when we were in the spotlight as our eyes gazed on what Santa had left around the tree.

I wish I could find the picture of one particular Christmas when my brother and I held hands as we walked around the corner to see presents piled high to the ceiling. We lived in Texas then and we had family from out of town visiting. My mom had wrapped all of the presents and stacked them in such a way that they covered the bicycles that Santa left....it was so magical. I have a similar picture of my children walking around the corner when they were the same age. It brings such happiness and joy to my heart remembering moments like these.

These are memories I will always cherish because we are all on a journey and change is inevitable. We all reach a stage in life when you begin to "reflect" and look back through time. This Christmas I am doing lots of reflecting because it is very different for me for several reasons. First, some traditions will be changing and as we all know change can be hard. My mom is beginning a new chapter in her life. As she turns the page, I know it will be filled great joy, peace and fullness of life. But, she has moved a little farther away and it will be difficult to travel in one day on Christmas Eve for our traditional family celebration. We will get to still celebrate with her at some point this month but just not on Christmas Eve. So, a new tradition will be birthed on Christmas Eve and memories will be made. I just don't know what that is yet. Second, my brother has a special someone in his life and has reconnected with his father's side of the family both are in Florida. So, my brother will be spending Christmas away. I am very happy for him because it seems he is beginning a new chapter as well. But, I will miss him.

Third, my children have reached a stage where toys and candy just don't excite them anymore. Presents for a 16 year boy and a 13 year old girl can be expensive. This year, I started off the season disappointed because they both said, "We don't want presents...just give us money so we can go shopping." Really?! I pouted of course for several days. But as Black Friday approached I did buy them a few surprises and more are still to come, many of which will not be material gain for them. Finally, our oldest daughter has blessed us with a one year old grandson and we are antcipating our granddaughters arrival in March. These new additions to our family will create an opportunity for us to start new traditions.

This Christmas I am embracing the JOY of season. I am going to make MEMORIES and start new TRADITIONS with many people in my life. I am blessed, I am loved and I want my family and friends to know how much I cherish them. I have a WONDERFUL LIFE. I want people to see Christ in me and I want to spread the Miracle of Christmas to others....

I believe in Miracles ... stayed tuned.

The Power of MY Prayer

2010-10-30T00:33:00.000-04:00

I just love how the Lord brings things together. I've been doing a bible study with my church called 40 Days, A Journey Toward a Deeper Relationship with Christ and day eight was on the power of prayer. I pray - but as I looked up each scripture a stirring began to take place in my spirit. Over the past few weeks many changes have taken place in my life, actually in almost every facet of my life. I like change, I really do. These changes however are bringing forth burdens, testings and trials...so far I've passed some and I've failed some. So, as I sat and read each scripture they just began to minister to me in a new way and it became clear there was something I needed to do.

I had reached a point where I just didn't know how to pray. Romans 8:26 says, "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the heart knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God." Lately, this has been me because I've been so overwhelmed and distraught. But, as I was reading these verses, I realized that these were powerful scriptures I needed to pray, stand on and speak into the atmosphere...to claim with authority - there is POWER in the WORD of GOD! So, here is my declaration...here is my prayer:

Lord, I come boldly to the throne of grace where grace and mercy await me in my time of need. Come to my rescue Jesus. Your word says when I call to You, You will answer me and show me great and mighty things which I do not know. As I look at my circumstances and see this mountain in my way, my heart will not be troubled - for Your words says You are with me always. I say to this mountain, move and be cast into the sea, I don't doubt - I take You at Your word and You said whatever I ask when I pray, and believe I receive them..I will have them. Lord, search my heart and know that I forgive those who have hurt me and I ask You to also forgive them, they don't realize what they do. Forgive me for my sins, for I am not perfect and I fail. Lord, I will be anxious for nothing, but by this prayer I am letting my requests be known and I count this trial as joy. I'm thankful for Your peace that surpases all understanding, I will guard my heart and mind and trust in You. Because I abide in You and Your words abide in me these things I ask, you will do for me. Lord, Your word says this battle is not mine...it's Yours. I will not take this yoke upon me, I step back Lord and walk in Faith. I thank You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am blessed and highly favored. You ALONE Lord can open doors NO man can shut and shut doors NO man can open - I will live each day in complete surrender to You. I'm trusting in the plan you have for me, the plan to prosper me and not harm me, giving me hope and a future. In Jesus name, AMEN!

Jeremiah 33:3, Psalm 34:4, Hebrews 4:16, Romans 8:26-27, Phillipians 4:6-7, Mark 11:23-26, 2 Chronicles 20:15, Psalm 25:2, Psalm 139:14, Jeremiah 29:11

On Watch

2010-09-15T11:45:00.002-04:00

Last week as I was reading my bible a scripture just jumped off the page, I couldn't shake it. I wrote it down and kept going back to it. This scripture was penetrating my spirit more and more to the point I was telling my kids, my husband, my prayer partners - I knew the Lord wanted me to grab hold of it.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (NKJV)
"Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love."

It was the WATCH that initially got me. Then, I noticed that this scripture is just packed with POWERFUL words of instruction! I'm sure that I've read this before but for some reason the Lord gave me this for NOW. I have noticed how strong the enemy has been been after me, my family and friends. Let's just get real here, the enemy is out to steal, kill & destroy. I think sometimes we go about our day to day just "getting by" .. "makin' it" - you know, "it is what it is" mentality. I'm guilty. But, I know that this is not what we as christians should be doing. The Message bible translates it this way:

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (The Message)
"Keep your eyes open, hold tight to your convictions, give it all you've got, be resolute, and love without stopping."

There is that word again..."love." So, not only are we to watch - keeping our eyes open, stand fast in our faith by holding on to our convictions - pressing in, be brave giving it all we've got, and be strong, resolute; BUT, we also have to do EVERYTHING in love - without stopping.

I wonder - if we all got a hold of this for ourselves how much more can we be reaching out as the body of Christ in love? I, for one am tired of the enemy's deception - I'm on WATCH and I'm standing fast in the FAITH, I'm going to BE BRAVE, and BE STRONG and I truly want to look back at the end of each day and see that I did everything in LOVE.....

Love & the Battle Within

2010-02-28T09:19:00.008-05:00

I have always been pretty transparent in my posts; I guess this is part of my personality. I also tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. Sometimes, I wish I could hide what is going on inside of my mind and the turmoil I sometimes experience in my spirit. Some would consider this a sign of weakness, or even spiritual or mental unstability. I have come to realize we are all different and handle situations differently - of course some better than others. Many times I wish I could be that rock that just keeps on going without letting others "see" my struggles but I am who I am. My point in sharing this is that for the past several months I have been really down. The devil had me really down ... I almost let go. I felt like I just couldn't take it anymore. But, God's mercy kept me. As I look over the past several months, God was right there in the middle. And, he was always speaking, warning and He kept me.

I was so far down that I was beginning to question who I was, question my faith and if there was a God, because I just didn't understand. I have served the Lord with such zeal and conviction but there were still unanswered prayers and serious battles, I started to become bitter and as I began to give up and question where God was - the enemy swooped in and thus a warzone in my mind and spirit. I took the long road and was filled with rebellion and disobedience.

Last year in one of my first posts I wrote about love. I began asking God to reduce me to love and every since then I have been on a journey and I still am. I want to briefly share what the Lord revealed to me recently. At a moment when I felt completely reduced to nothing, I sat down and opened my bible and began reading 1 Corinthians 13. I replaced the words "love" and "it" with my name. I was also reading a devotional and this quickly jumped off the page, "the absence of love leaves a devasting void." Love Dare. It was at this moment the Lord spoke.

Now, the real epiphany here is that my battle really has nothing to do with my marriage, or loving my husband. It has everything to do with the emptiness and void I have felt my entire life and can never seem to satisfy .... it's allowing Christ's love to really penetrate to my very soul. I couldn't love others and allow them to love me because I didn't know how to let God love me.

I've been missing it! Agape Love - Christ's Love. "When its not present spirituality becomes superficial, your benevolent deeds self-centered and your sacrifices insincere." Love Dare. I had left doors open because I truly would not allow the Lord to fill me with His love. I didn't know how.

I truly believe that this is a battle that many women face. They spend their entire lives looking for someone or even something to fill that void, it could be due to a number of reasons - even childhood experiences. I'm not sure why it has taken me down the road less taken or why it has taken me so long to reach this point, but I do know that now I can be transparent with my Lord and continue to allow him to break through all my layers so I can truly be full of His love ... to the depths of my soul. It's a journey for me, a process. Praise the Lord for those who have been able to truly walk in agape love - but for those of us that have layers for God to peel off just know that you are not alone.

I am taking it one day at a time and when I wake up, I praise the Lord and continue to ask Him, "Lord, I want to know your Love today. Fill me with your Love so I can truly love others and receive their love."

Seasons of Life

2009-11-16T21:48:00.001-05:00

Over the last several weeks I have been reminded of a post I wrote last October. I wasn't quite sure why my mind kept going to this particular post, so tonight I decided to re-read and reflect.
I have been in a difficult place lately, I've come to a point where I really just didn't know who I was anymore. I have been in the wilderness. But, as fall began to settle in, something began to stir in me. I kept ignoring it, I was just content to wallow. But, today as I drove through the country and looked at the last of the beautiful trees, Holy Spirit reminded me that this season too shall pass, just as fall is quickly fading, so will I come out of this wilderness. I praise God even for wondering in the wilderness, I have learned something very valuable and life changing. My pastor preached the word Sunday and it was my rhema word, the message was for me. I am WAITING....BELIEVING...and I am of GOOD COURAGE - Psalm 27:13-14. In my waiting, I will embrace this season of thankfulness and I will praise Him for this season of my life. Below is my original post from October 2008....

As I drove to school tonight I couldn't help but notice the beautiful colors that were painted on the trees. I got so excited because I love getting up early on fall weekends, grabbing coffee and heading out to embrace the crisp, cool air and a palette of colors painted across the landscape. Fall is my favorite time of year and I began to thank God for his perfect timing in the seasons. As I thanked Him, I began to reflect on the different seasons and how they can relate to my spiritual life.

Ecclesiates 3:1, "TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven:"

It came to me that Lord is teaching us through the natural cycle of the seasons. In the Spring we see new life come forth on the earth, the Summer we see that life being watered and growing, thriving. Fall we see the beauty of the crop, reap it's harvest, and the leaves are turning and reaching their fullest, brightest potential. It's breathtaking! Winter brings a time for the earth to rest, the roots are protected underground and there seems to be a period of scarceness. Just as the earth experiences different seasons, spiritually we also experience a summer, spring, fall and winter.

What if instead of going, going, going (in circles for me!) all the time we stopped and reflected on what the seasons can teach us spiritually. What if now that fall is here, a time of harvest, we take this time to see the fruition of our labor? It's time to reflect on His faithfulness, a time of Thanksgiving, and a time of refreshing. As winter approaches we must store up the bounty of God's faithfulness to get us through. In Winter, we cuddle up and get toasty and warm - we rest physically and get intimate with God. During those dark, cold winter nights we must live on what was stored up in the days of harvest. As Spring approaches, new work is to be done. We plant and begin buzzing around, and use that which God taught us in the winter months. It's a time when sometimes, we must till up hard ground. Summer breaks forth a great time of watering our soul and weeding. If we don't get the water, we will wither up and die; if we don't weed we will be choked by the cares of the world. It's also a time to flourish.

Just seeing God's hand today through the changing color of the leaves - He taught me and reminded me of so much. I'm growing, I'm a work in progess. I'm beautifully and wonderfully made. He wants me to praise Him and thank Him and be refreshed in Him right now during my fall months. And, I'm looking forward to my winter months - my season to get intimate with him, relax and rest in Him, to slow down. A time that I must plan for what lies ahead.

I'm excited that God still speaks to me in the small things. God is Good!

Happy Fall - Give Thanks! Be Refreshed - He has breathtaking experiences for you!

Depression - REALLY?

2009-09-23T20:50:00.009-04:00

Last week I received our wellness monthly newsletter via email at work. The topic...Depression Awareness. Normally, I just delete these but I entertained it and even printed it to bring it home. I have really been struggling lately and I was to the point I was ready to admit I was suffering from depression. I have only done that one other time in my life - another story all together - but the Lord revealed Himself then too. Anyway, as I read I couldn't help but relate to many of the symptoms.

According to the newsletter, changes in thinking such as problems with concentration and decision making, increased pessimism and poor self-esteem are symptoms. Also, changes in feelings such feeling sad, no longer enjoying pleasurable activities, lack of motivation and irritability; changes in behavior such as excessive crying, apathetic and social withdrawal and last changes in physical well being such as chronic fatigue, loss of appetite and complaining of aches and pains. I thought to myself I can't believe this is happening to me - I just got back from my HeartQuest where God did amazing things and I know God has great plans for me - why am I so depressed?

Rewind -to the week I returned home from HeartQuest. I came home with a circumsized heart, a heart that needed to be nurtured and taken care of in the word and prayer. Something I neglected to do as I dove right back into life. I allowed other things to take priority and I found myself entertaining worldly things. (Now, this next statement is purely my conviction and not meant to be judgemental or say anything is wrong with people who listen to country music.) But my friends and family who know me well, know that I have only listened to christian music for many years, however as my daughter has found a new love for country music I have found myself listening to it all the time. It completey replaced my worship time in the morning. I was quickly being consumed by a secular world all around and didn't even realize how quickly I was falling.

So, back to reading the newsletter. I brought it home Friday and put it aside, I then went to the prayer room for a night of worship and prayer time. When I woke up Saturday morning I layed in bed but just couldn't bring myself to get up. As I layed there in the stillness, I felt Holy Spirit drop this into my spirit, "You really suffering depression ....or are you under conviction of sin?" Now - that was PROFOUND for me! I mean it took my breath away. The Lord loves his children and he will not just let them rebel and walk in disobedience without correction. Holy Spirit will bring conviction and will not let you go. Praise the Lord for Holy Spirit!

I can't even begin to express how numb I was feeling emotionally, not to mention spiritually and how much physical pain I was in. But I can tell you that I serve an awesome God and once I finally started listening to Holy Spirit instead of my emotions and what my body was telling me - things started to become more clear. I wish I could say that Saturday I was able to break free, but I would be lying. I was supposed to get up then and get in the word and blog what He was showing me. I didn't.

I will, however, tell you that Daddy is pruning me and Holy Spirit is ministering to me and I have come face to face with my sin. (When you step outside of God's will and begin to walk in the flesh you are in sin.) I refuse to to accept anything that this world has to offer me, Satan can't get me to turn my back on my Lord with his schemes and the enemy will give back to me everything he stole. He may have distracted me for a season, but from the words of the veggie tales song, "God is Bigger than the Boogie Man!"

When I started this blog a year ago, I had no idea that the Lord would require me to be so transparent. But, I am being obedient and as I type I can feel His presence sweep over me bringing healing, courage and strength for what lies ahead. For that reason alone, I know that He is all I need. The Lord is my source of life, happiness and ONLY He alone can fulfill the deepest longings in my soul. He is the ONLY source of LIFE and FULFILLMENT - do not let the enemy tell you differently. From the words of the Toby Mac (with Kirk Franklin) song - "I Don't Want to Gain the Whole World and Lose my Soul."

Thank You, Holy Spirit, for conviction and thank you, Lord, for the cross - I RUN to YOU!!!

My ABC's of Thanks

2009-08-21T23:27:00.005-04:00

Last night I had the privilege of attending a service where God really showed up and I had a breakthrough! I have really been in a bad mood lately because I had to go to work..I know who really wants to go to work? But, it was more than that. I just had a bad attitude and really had a hard time even getting out of bed. I dreaded it and it was impacting the rest of my life and the quality of my days. I had no idea how much until yesterday when I had lunch with a co-worker and she talked to me about it - then God confirmed it through the message! Coincidence? NO! God has perfect timing. Today has been great and I enjoyed every bit of being at work and my evening. Amazing God! Joy...that's it. Melissa got her "Joy" back...I told my co-workers today..."Melissa got her groove back!" (yes, a movie reference...I'm a dork I know!) Bless my co-workers heart she said, "on behalf of this department, I'm so thankful you got your groove back." I guess I was pretty depressing to be around.

The text was 1 Thessalonians 5:15-22. "See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies. Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil."

The thing that stuck out the most last night was when I am ungrateful ... I am NOT in God's will. Wow. How many times have I said that, "I just want to be in God's will" and not realizing that by not being thankful in all things, I wasn't. By the end of the service, I was ready to receive that breakthrough as I shouted thanks to God for so many things! The more I gave thanks I felt the ungrateful spirit leave. Praise the Lord. After my breakthrough, I felt compeled to write my ABC's of thanks...so I did. If you are in a funk and feel yourself just being ungrateful....try writing your own..... We are to be thankful in ALL things. After all, it's God's will!

Lord, I thank You for:

Abundant Love
Beautiful Skies
Creation
Delivering Me
Everlasting Covenant
Frankie, my Amazing Man of God!
Grace
Holy Spirit
Interceding on my behalf!
Justice
Kindness
Loving me no matter what
Madison, my Beautiful Daughter
Never leaving me or forsaking me
Outstretched Hand
Peace in the storm!
Quiet Moments with You
Redeeming Love
Saving my Soul
The Cross!
Undeniable Freedom!
Victory
Weapons of Warfare!
X - Excellence, I am a Woman of Chayil!
Your YES!
Zachary, my wonderful son!

Lord You ARE Good and Your Mercy Endures Forever!!!

Got Sin?

2009-08-15T08:59:00.004-04:00

The words of Paul humble me, "I am the worst of sinners." Recently, I have come face to face with my own indwelling sin and true repentance. I say true repentance because I also realized that many times repentance has been in fear of being caught in sin. But, true tears of repentance should be about grieving over hurting our Daddy, our Lord. It pains me to know that my sin pains my Daddy. He is not hording over us waiting for us to mess up so He can unleash a great punishment in our lives - like Big Brother. No, He is gentle and humble in heart and is waiting on us to run to His Mercy Seat so He can pour out His love and grace.

As I read Romans 1:28-32 I am quickly reminded that there is no measurement of sin and It saddens me to see so many Christians with a judgemental spirit. I confess, I used to be one of them, I didn't realize it but the Lord gently showed me. I recently heard a teaching by Dave Busby and he said, "living under the cross means we will understand others; nothing anybody could share would surprise or cause judgement because we know, 'We (I) am the chief of sinners.'" If Paul can recognize this about himself, why can we admit that? He also said, "we need to believe that our flesh is capable of anything." Saying things like, "I can't believe they did that!" means we really don't know the depth of our own sin.

What truly amazes me in the church is how people tend to focus on everybody else's lives rather than their own. In Romans 1: 28-32 we see that God gives us over to our debased mind. We become full of envy, malicious, evil-minded, whisperers (umm..that is GOSSIP), backbiters, proud, boasters, disobedient, and on and on. These things are sin...and they are not measured as a bad habit. They are sin ...and are the same as murder, adultery, idolatry, etc.

Once I came face to face with my own indwelling sin....it was very freeing and humbling. God answers our prayers in his own ways - I have been praying 1 Peter 3:1-6 over myself and this is the first area that God saw fit to "prune." It broke me, freed me, humbled me, qualified me and gave me the gentleness I was praying for.

I would ask you examine yourself...is there a judgemental spirit? How long has it been since you were arrested my your own indwelling sin? Run to the mercy seat.....Father is waiting.

A Psalm for my Daddy

2009-08-08T01:10:00.003-04:00

I've been home from my HeartQuest for 5 days....I just gotta Praise Him and thank Him for His faithfulness - my own Psalm.

Lord, I turned to You and You heard me. You lifted me from the dark places that were holding me back from walking in Your truth, freedom and submission. Praise Your name! You set me my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. You put a new song in my mouth and I am blessed. Lord, I make You my Trust. My soul, the very deepest part of me, praises You - my King. Lord, You forgave me of my sins and redeemed my life from the pit of hell.

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty - You crowned me with love and compassion. You are forgiving and good. In my days of trouble, I cried out and you answered me. You alone are God. Lord, you are teaching me and I am walking in truth. You took my heart of stone and circumsized it - you gave me a new heart of flesh! I will praise You Lord with ALL my heart. Great is Your love toward me, You have delivered me. I will rejoice, my heart rejoices and look to you and will continually seek Your face. I am amazed by you. You are gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. Oh, how You love me.

Lord, you are loving toward Your creation and when we call on You in truth you answer. Let every creature sing praises to Elohim. Glorify the Lord with me, let us exalt His name together!

I praise You Lord - I ran hard after You and You ran to me...we danced. We romanced. Lord, I yearn for You, I burn for passion over You. I am radiant because I look to You and am not covered in shame. Because I fear You, Your angel encamps around me and delivers me. I seek peace and pursue it. Mighty Savior, thank You - I was broken-hearted and crushed in spirit but you ran to me. My Redeemer lives and no condemnation comes to me. I am free to be me.

Thank You, Daddy...I love you! --Selah

My Quest - Day 19

2009-07-16T22:03:00.006-04:00

I have been preparing for HeartQuest since June 28th. HeartQuest is a 66 day experience and I have been looking forward to this for quite some time. I leave July 28th for 6 days and will have no contact with my family or friends - I will be going away with approximately 34 women that I have never met - 20 of them embarking on their own journey while the others are women of God who will be ministering. HeartQuest is about letting God do three things in you: uncover, unlock and unleash. It's my heart's desire to serve the Lord and to go deeper and deeper in my walk where he has given me a passion and calling for deliverance ministries. This journey is a way for me to be able to focus on Father and hear His voice. I am filled with expectancy and trusting God will show up in His full glory.

So, of course - the enemy has plans to keep me distracted and defeated.

The first week was wonderful. I could not believe how much God was changing my heart. I never knew that I could love like that. I guess I've been guarded and allowed my heart to become calloused. The Lord began to tear down walls I had built. My rhema word was, "....Melissa, who has been CHOSEN according to the foreknowledge of God the Father...." (1 Peter 1:1-2a) I came to the deep realization that I had been chosen. I began to allow God's love to penetrate that calloused heart and I was able to freely give that love. For example, and don't get me wrong here because I love my husband, but I began to fall deeper in love with him. He even began to notice a change in me. It was beautiful.

By the end of the second week, not so many hearts and rainbows. Satan was not having it! And, I was too caught up in the clouds to realize his evil schemes and before it was too late - I was walking in oppression. But, I began to press in with my devotions and as the attacks came, I would get a word - "the very thing that looks so good-that which is tempting to distract you from the main thing to which God has called you may be his evil tactic." Wow. Then a few days later, "each adversity can act as a purifying agent in your life when you allow the Holy Spirit to search your soul and give you a fresh cleansing. Suffering can be used to reveal what is really in your heart. If you turn your attention to God in such times, He can cause you to identify negative behaviors or attitudes in your life that you have tolerated for years - things that He has wanted to remove from you." The Lord was giving me everything I needed all along, I was just stuck.

I am well into the third week and tonight - I fought for my soul. You may find that a bit dramatic but I speak truth. We live in a fallen world where there is sin and life here in this world is a constant battle from two spiritual realms. Satan is out to steal, kill and destroy (James 10:10) and we have to be serious and watchful (1 Peter 4:7). How can I help people and be serious in seeing women set free if I myself am bound? I can't. Tonight as I sat down to read, I opened up my daily devotion from David Wilkerson titled, "After the Sifting." As I began to read the scripture and this devotion, the Lord began dealing with me. It was time. Amazingly, in his infinite wisdom He worked it out where I was alone at home - that was not supposed to be. Through direction of the Holy Spirit I began to bind the enemy and renounce the sin in my life (and yes I said SIN - anybody want to cast the first stone?). The truth shall set you FREE - and unconfessed, hidden sin will only bring bondage.

Looking back at my life I have made a lot of mistakes and often have cried out wondering how I could have done such things. But, I am also thankful that because I have walked in these shoes I can see the pain and suffering in many women. I can honestly say that nothing a woman would ever tell me she has done would surprise me nor would I ever judge. It's my desire to see them set free - even from the most secret and hidden sins. It's only when we can release them that we walk in freedom. It's a choice and I choose freedom.

"Praise be to the Lord, my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God & my fortress, my stronghold, and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues my people under me." Psalm 144:1-2

BookBundlz - Book Club

2009-07-15T16:51:00.001-04:00

BookBundlz - Book Club

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Put on the Full Armor of God

2009-06-29T13:44:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I had the privilege of teaching the New Believers Sunday School class. As I prepared for this I was overwhelmed at all the possible topics that were flooding my mind. I wanted to give them something that I would have wanted as a new Christian. Looking back on my spiritual journey, the one thing that I wish I had is discipleship from the very beginning. In my opinion, many churches are lacking in this area. We get all excited when the alters are filled and people are getting saved, then sadly, many times the church stops at that. There are not many seasoned Christians reaching out to mentor and disciple them. It's like throwing a lamb to the wolves. I speak from experience, I walked around in circles for years wondering why I could not get victory over issues and why my life wasn't better. So, needless to say, having this opportunity was so exciting for me, but it scared me to death as well. I didn't want to disappoint them or God. In the end, I just shared my heart and one thing that I do everyday.

Putting on the full Armor of God everyday has become a daily prayer for me and when I take my children to school each morning we pray it together. Ephesians 6:10-18 tells us that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the forces of evil, the darkness of this world. The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, instructs us to put on the full armor of God so we can withstand and extinguish every fiery dart that Satan throws our way. I had a dear friend of mine teach me this concept years ago and when I began doing it; I saw a difference and on days when I forget..I can still see a difference. At first I actually went through the motions, now I just pray aloud and speak into the atmosphere.

I symbolically buckled the Belt of Truth around my waist each morning preparing myself for action. The call to have "your loins girt about with truth" is a call to be prepared. Christians need to be ready to defend themselves against the powers of darkness and not be caught unaware. Then, I put on the Breastplate of Righteousness. By putting on the Breastplate of Righteousness we are believing in Jesus and his righteousness, not our own and we are standing firm against evil. I put on my Shoes of Peace - preparing my feet with the gospel of peace. If you do a study on the armor, you will find that in Ephesians 6:15 the Greek word for "preparation" or "readiness" means "prepared foundation." The shoes were very important for a soldier - without them a Roman soldier could not maintain his position against his enemies. As soldiers in God's army - our shoes represent the Gospel of Peace, the good news that we can have peace with God. Then I put on the Shield of Faith that I may extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. The Shield of Faith is our protection against temptation. I put on my Helmet of Salvation - the assurance that I know, that I know, I am His and living for the Lord. I accept that I am in a battle but know that I will be delivered into eternal life. And last, but not least, I pick up the Sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. This is the only "offensive" weapon we are instructed to put on, the rest were defensive, to be used as protection. The purpose of the sword is to defeat the enemy's plan and rescue lives. As Jesus used scripture during temptation we are instructed to use it against the enemy. Memorize scripture and speak it, pray it aloud and the enemy will flee.

Dear Lord,
Thank You for today. Thank you Lord for the word and the clear instructions You have given us. Thank You for loving us so much that You sent Your only son to die for us. Your word tells us to resist the enemy and he will flee. In the name of Jesus, I resist the enemy and put on the full Armor of God to protect me. I put on the Belt of Truth, readying me for action. I put on my Breastplate of Righteousness and my Shoes of Peace. I put on my Helmet of Salvation. I am armed with the Shield of Faith, raising it to quench every fiery dart that Satan throws my way. And, I am armed with Sword the Spirit which is the word of God. I pray a blood-hedge of protection around me and my family. The enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy, but You, God came that we may have life and have it more abundantly. Praise the name of Jesus! Amen!

More than Enough

2009-06-18T16:37:00.003-04:00

Hallelujah! Today I just can't get that song out of my spirit, that's what happens when you feast on the word. I've been listening to an old country preacher from Western NC for the last 2 days at work and just being fed - God is good! Weather you are spiritually depleted, financially strapped or physically ill this is for YOU!!! Get it in your spirit today!

My God is more than enough
He can supply all my needs
He is my El Shaddai
He always looks out for me
Jehovah Jireh, He is my God

All the earth is His
and the fullness thereof
He's everything that I need
you can be sure of
Jehovah Jireh, He is my God

So why should I worry bout the highs and the lows
the ups and the downs
And by my faith I know
My God is more than enough
He can supply all my needs
He is my El Shaddai
He always looks out for me
Jehovah Jireh..He is my God!

Dear God,
I break all assignments of the enemy against my finances, my health, and my soul in Jesus name. I break all curses of poverty, lack, debt and failure in the name of Jesus. I seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things are added unto me (Matt 6:33). Lord, teach me to profit and lead me in the way I should go (Isa 48:17). You are Jehovah Jireh, my provider (Gen 22:14). You are El-Shaddai, the God of more than enough. I am God's servant and you take pleasure in my prosperity (Ps 35:27). I meditate on thy Word day and night, and whatever I do prospers (Ps 1:3) Let peace be within my walls and prosperity within my palace (Ps. 122:7) Amen!

The Emptiness

2009-06-16T23:48:00.004-04:00

"The Lord gives his blessing when he finds the vessel empty." - Thomas A. Kempis

I'm addressing a deep sadness that has come over me the past few days. I'm not sure when and why it happened, but I do know that it is distracting me and keeping me from the word. It's keeping me from the joy of Lord. I get up each day....at the last possible moment... to get to work on time and I go through my day dreadfully. In the evenings I've had miscellaneous things going on and then I stay up to early morning and go to bed. What is that? That my friend is craziness! I know that I am not alone; the busyness of life, the stress of financial burdens, the economy, health issues, family matters, you name it - we are all being tried and weighed down. What the enemy seems to like to do to me is make me feel like I am all alone in this struggle. And sometimes, I believe it - but only for a little while.

I tend to entertain the negative thoughts but it takes some motivation to replace them with the truth of God's word. I feel empty - like I just have nothing left to give. What I realized tonight is that it's during these times when we must not give up and we must press in, when we are empty we get desperate. I'm so thankful that the Lord will gently remind me that He alone satisfies. All I need to do is soak in Him, feast on the word and praise Him.

I know how easy it is to get out of the routine and to get too busy to spend time with the Lord. But this emptiness and sadness has no place, no business here in a spirit filled Christian. I have to choose to let go of the negative thoughts, the emptiness, the sadness and let the Lord begin to fill me again. In order for us to keep on keeping on, we need that daily fuel. We need the word, we need daily communication with the Lord and we need to Praise Him.

So, if you are feeling like your tank is running on low and you are just spent out...tired, empty and perhaps sad, ask yourself, are you putting forth the effort EVERY day in God's word, are you praying...and listening EVERY day?

I believe that it's as simple as that, God gives us ALL we need and he is ready to fill us when we are empty, but of course we have to ask. Don't do like I often do and go days in this rut, thinking and knowing what I need to do but not actually doing what I know to do. "But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29

"Lord, here I am. Please forgive me for thinking about all the things that I need to do to get out of this rut, but taking no action to do so. I sit for hours and get sad, but I don't cry out to You or get in the word for direction. God, I ask you to help me not internalize so much and instead verbalize out loud my thoughts to you. Take this empty vessel and fill me once again Lord."

Transition

2009-05-23T12:16:00.004-04:00

The American Heritage Dictionary defines transition as 1. The process or an instance of changing from one form, state, activity, or place to another. 2. Passage from one subject to another, as in discourse. 3. Mus. a. modulation. esp. a brief one. b. a passage connecting two themes.

It has been two weeks today since I graduated and things just aren't how I imagined they would be. I had great plans to be this seeker again - soaking up everything that the Lord had for me. I had great plans to cook dinner for my family every evening and hear all about their day. Yes, I was ready for my life to be normal again. However - things haven't quite been going as I had planned. The week after graduation, we had corporate deadlines at work that kept me there every evening. This week I have been taken out by a severe cold. It's been one hinderance after another. I could only see everything that was going wrong - until Thursday on the way home when I decided enough was enough. I needed to get into the Word and I was reminded of the woman with the issue of blood in Matthew 9:20-22. This woman was desperate for God, in her determination she had to push, fight and tarry a little while to get to Jesus. It was then that I realized I too, have come to a place that I needed to get into my prayer closest and push, fight and tarry to get to Him. He is waiting for me, He is expecting a pure heart and a determined person to press in - then He is going to show up.

Last night I met with my prayer partners, very special friends and truly women of God. I shared with them what the Lord was showing me and dispite it, my discouragement. It was then that they told me I was in transition. And, to count it joy - to stop looking at these distractions as attacks and realize that its God's validation on my life. I have been pondering that all morning, I am in transition. I am transitioning not only in my family life (because they have gotten into their own routine without me) but spiritually as well. The Lord is bringing me into a new season, He gave me a word over 5 years ago and He began the birthing pains then for an area of ministry that I am very passionate about. The Lord is saying now is the time.

I absolutely love the musical definition of transition - a brief modulation, a passage connecting two themes. In my lifesong for Jesus I am in a passage that is connecting two very distinctive themes He has orchestrated just for me. It's a brief modulation where He is directing a transitional cadence into a new thematic area of my life.

This is a very exciting time and I will not let the enemy come in like the thief that he is. I will be on guard. I am so blessed and very humbled that the Lord would choose to use me with all my imperfections to reach out in ministry to help restore the beautiful melody in His daughters hearts.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T08:21:00.003-04:00

Praise the Lord! He is Risen from the dead and He's ALIVE!!! This rings in my spirit today. I am so blessed to have a Risen LORD...one who SURRENDERED His very life for my own. I have been reflecting on the resurrection and what this day symbolizes for millions of Christians. I have celebrated Easter since I was a baby.....don't you remember? For me, it was all about the Easter Bunny, the basket full of candy and the eggs hidden all over the yard. It wasn't until I truly understood, as an adult, the magnitude of this week.

Many people only go to church on Christmas and Easter, so I dare to say many already know the events that took place. But, how many, even Christians truly grasp what Christ did on the cross for them? That is what I have been pondering all morning. Wow. It doesn't matter how many Easters we celebrate....it's always new. As you grow in your relationship with Christ I beleive He will always give you more of Him the more you seek Him. Today, it was all about the surrendered life.

Today, I just want to reaffirm my dedication to the Lord. I want to say, "Lord, here I am." You surrendered your life for me. I totally surrender my life to you." I want to be more like You. I don't want to do anything on my own. When I stand before You; I want you to say - My daughter, your heart was fully Mine.

Thank you, Jesus - for dying on the cross and saving my soul. Praise You, God, for giving of your only son to die for me. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for helping me to live a surrendered life.

Allelujah! Worthy is the Lamb!!

Practice What You Preach

2009-02-13T08:44:00.006-05:00

I learned a lesson this morning .... a little late but better than never! Let me take you back briefly to last night when my husband was on his way home from work. He was having a hard day and overall just felt down - I could tell that there was no hope or joy left in his voice. We have been struggling lately with life obstacles and it was beginning to take its toll on my husband. That, in itself, is huge because my man usually doesn't let things get to him. So, I so confidently rose up and told him on the phone - begin to Praise Him. Yes, Praise your way through this rut! I began to get excited myself as I gave him this pep talk - and told him that breakthroughs come once we just start Praising Him! I was on the way to school last night so, I decided I would do the same and I just gave it over to the Lord.

Well - wouldn't you know that I would be tested this morning! To make a long story short - I pretty much fell apart. You know that teacher on Charlie Brown - when she spoke it was WAA WAW WA WA, etc? Yep - that was me this morning - a complete nag to my kids. I was losing it - the kitchen wasn't clean, the bedrooms looked like tornado's had hit them, school papers needed to be signed, hair need to be fixed, and on and on and on. All I could focus on was that I worked 8 hours, went to school for 4 hours - didn't get home until 10:30 and went to bed at 11:00 and now here I am. I should be enjoying breakfast with my children and asking them about their "yesterday" and I'm losing it and taking out my exhaustion and disappointment on them. So that lasted all the way to school - my son prayed this morning because I just felt like I couldn't. I told them both - that I was sorry and I loved them and to have a good day - but you know what got me?

Yep - the Holy Spirit quickly rose up within me - I thought you were supposed to Praise your Way through it? I'm so glad that the Lord loves me and his grace and mercy is new and fresh everyday! I'm so glad He loves me enough to say - hey now - you better practice what you preach! But don't you know He can't speak when all you are doing is WAA WAN WA WA WAN WA!!

It was a good thing the make-up wasn't on yet - because I began to thank Him and praise Him and when I did - He sent such a peace over me. What a lesson. And the best part is I get to go home tonight and sit down my children and tell them how God ministered to me today and love on them.

Thank You - Lord. Your love for me is amazing. May I always hear Your voice and walk in obedience. Thank you that when I stumble you are there to see me through. I love You.

The Daughter

2009-02-06T21:18:00.005-05:00

Hey fellow bloggers. This is not your regular blogger this is her daughter Madison. My walk with God is not as good as my mom's, but to me it's good for an 11 year old. I am a CYC ( committed young christians) leader. Okay everybody grab your bibles or not ha ha!! The verse of the day is Phillipians 4:13. My favorite verse. It says: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. This tells me that nothing is impossible with God. It's true too because the bible does not lie!!! When ever I get down or depressed I always think of that. I can overcome any obstacle that the world throws at me. Another verse is 2 Timothy 1:7. It says: God does NOT give us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and a sound mind. I am going to be honest with ya'll. I have a BIG fear. I bet you do too. Anyway, when ever I am put in a situation that my fear is involved (a lot) I always think of this because when I was little, I got saved and it meant I did NOT have to have any fears, problems, doubts, or regrets because I was a daughter of the King blessed and highly favored and he has me and you in the palm of his hand. If your NOT saved and stumbled across this site by accident searching for Jessica Simpson?? or something else then you NEED TO no HAVE TO be saved!!!!! It will change your life from beginning to end. My mom is a big influence in my life. She may not relize this, but if it was not for her I would be going to hell! She changed my life. I owe her way more than I could only imagine! I am a little out there at times, but I love all ya'll so keep believing!!!! If ya'll like me and want me to blog agian leave me a comment - maybe my mom will let me have my own blog!!

No Looking Back

2009-01-25T08:10:00.005-05:00

If you read my last blog (a month ago - man time flies) I noted that I would be reflecting on 2008, but I changed my mind! I have taken these last few weeks in January - waking up each morning at 5:00 a.m. - to spend time with God. Sidenote: I gave up coffee for this time which was really hard but - I did it. Also, my pastor has been preaching hard and his messages have been on point for me. One message that stands out to me, not only because our Pastor is annointed, but because I kept getting the same message during my personal time with God.

The message was so clear to me:

Stop looking back and all around you, keep your eyes on Me.

I have been beating myself up over lack of personal growth in '08 and not doing all that I could for the Lord. I felt like I had to fix so much. I was so consumed with life; I lost focus. But Praise the Lord, I serve a God who reaches down and picks you up and says, baby girl, keep going and don't look back. That Sunday when the light bulb went off pastor preached an illustrative message with a plow. I will never forget it - it was captivating as he "plowed back in forth" in front of me and as he lost focus and began looking behind him and all around him his field was all crooked, and in the end he didn't reach the other side but a different spot. But, when he put his eyes on the cross - he was able to finish with a straight row. Praise God - I'm fixin' to shout at that. Luke 9:62, "But Jesus said to him, 'No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit to enter the kingdom of heaven." We have to be committed to the Lord, we can't look back and we can't be distracted all around us - we must focus on Him. We have to walk the straight and narrow and when we are weak and tired we must call out to Him, cling to Him, He will be our strength to press on. I really wish you could be with me right now, I am so excited about what God is stirring in me. Phillipians 3:12-14, "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfect; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has laid hold of me. Brethen, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus," Praise God!

During this time that God was showing me "No looking back" I decided to put in a worship CD I have from Free Chapel, Jenetzen Franklin's church. There is a song on there that was such confirmation and it ministered to me, it's called Moving Forward - here are the lyrics.

Chorus
I'm not going back
I'm moving ahead
I'm here to declare
In You old things are made new
Surrender my life to Christ
I'm moving moving forward

What a moment
You have brought me to
Such a freedom I have found in You
What a Healer

You make all things new
Yeah Yeah
You have risen
With all power in Your Hands
You have given me
A second Chance

Hallelujah Hallelujah
Yeah Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah
You maka all things new
You make all things new
I will follow You forward

Powerful lyrics - I praised God with them and I sing them to get them in my spirit. I am a firm believer of that - we must get His word deep in our spirit to see us through the dark times. Be encouraged -

Life Happens - but stop looking back and losing focus - keep your eye on the cross!

It's Been Too Long

2008-12-21T08:57:00.008-05:00

It's been quite some time since I have been able to blog. A few reasons actually that have kept me from doing what I love. This semester of school has been very difficult for me. It affected me in ways I never expected. I took on 6 classes, in addition to my full-time work schedule and family at home. I'm so tired of being in school - I just want to finish. As I write I am looking at a counter on my laptop telling me I have 137 days to graduation. There is an end in sight. Praise the Lord.

The past few months have been horrible. School stressed me out, work stressed me out, I became easily aggitated and battled depression. At one, point I missed 6 consecutive Sunday's at church. That is not me. I couldn't blog - I couldn't read my bible, I could barely pray.

The only thing I managed to do was force myself to go to work and school - it's like a blur looking back. My daughter who usually is an honor student started middle school this year and she has really been struggling. I felt like I was a failure in every area of my life. I wasn't being the friend, wife or mother that God called me to be. All I could do was see how I was failing everybody around me - especially God.

With that self-condemnation, I begin to feel lonely and alienated from the Lord that led to a domino effect in my life including feeling cast aside at church. It's like I was hot then cold, hot then cold. Something had to give.

Have any of you ever reached this point? The point that somehow Satan gained access into your thoughts and doors began to open - flooding with depression, condemnation, defeat and loneliness?

In the midst of this battlefield, I thought I would join a bible study. I knew it would be hard but I felt like I needed it. It is called Believing God by Beth Moore. Last week the bible study was completed at church but I have fallen behind. I am however soaking it in and believing God. I plan on finishing it within the next few weeks. This bible study has spoke in countless ways - God is revealing things to me and I know He is doing a work.

I am on Winter break from school and return on January 8th. I am going to take this time to take my life back - to reclaim what is rightfully mine. I know that I am not alone. Satan wants me to think that I am the only one who battles within and gets caugt up in defeat, but I am not. But most importantly, I know that I can run to my Heavenly Father. The Lord is watching over me and waiting for me to run to Him.

I want to thank my faithful friends that have been a constant support for me - you know who you are. Your love and loyalty mean more to me than you know. I have never had anybody reach out to me like you have. You are an answer to prayer. You will be happy to know that I'm pressing in - so this entry is for you. I know how you feel about my blogging - and I thank you for that.

Stay tuned for my next entry: Reflecting on 2008.

My Journey

2008-09-28T08:30:00.004-04:00

According to my doctors, I am a picture of health. I have had countless blood tests done over the past several months; all to which were normal. One might say, Praise the Lord! Well, to be honest I haven't said that and I have been having a hard time trying to decide what to do next. I didn't go to the doctor because it was fun and I wanted them to take blood. I went because my body hurts. I am under attack. Maybe I should not have gone at all; and just trusted and prayed through. I don't know. I don't think anybody can ever know on our own, because each one of us is different and the Lord has a different plan for each one of us.

I do know that its not His plan for us to be diseased and inflicted with sickness and pain. I do know that Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy (James 10:10). I do know that we have to be obedient and walk according to the plans he has for us. In order to do that we have to have that intimacy he so desires.

I'm not going to get into all my aches and pains and my discouragement with it all; but I am going to say this, I have heard, "let's test you for lupas and arthritis" and when those came back negative - they wanted me to see a specialist and I'm now hearing fibromyalsia. I have not gone to the specialist yet. Some may think I should go; and those who know me well probably will be surprised if I do go. The thing is; I can not deny that my body is under attack and the medical world has no clue as to why.

But, I am taking steps that the Lord has instructed me to do through His word. Last Sunday, I began praise and worship with pain in my knees, but I praised Him anyhow! We are supposed to offer him our sacrifice of praise. It's not only when we feel good. We need to praise our way through sometimes. The Lord ministered to me that morning. I also went to my pastor and asked for the elders prayer. The bible says when there are sick among you to call for the elders of the church. I received that prayer - I wasn't healed at that moment but I received the healing.

As I have been reflecting this week on this whole process I beleive that God is doing something awesome in me and through me. I don't know what yet; but I have faith that the Lord has already healed me. I had a rough beginning of the week and when the pain left my knees it moved up to my neck and shoulders. It has been a rough few days; but I know the Lord is working something out in me.

To some, I may sound crazy and they would encourage me to see the doctor and get medication. I can't just yet. The Lord left behind the power of the Holy Spirit and with that power I can lay hands on myself and pray and walk in faith and walk in my healing. I haven't done all that I've been instructed to do. I'm not saying that if you are sick it's your fault you haven't received your healing. I can't do that - I am saying that this is my journey. I have to listen to my Lord and trust His plan for me. His plan for me is healing that I might do the work He has called me to do. I will not let Satan steal what is mine.

We all know that when we get closer and closer to the Lord, the enemy attacks to distract us. This is a distraction - a painful one at times, but I'm clinging to that Old Rugged Cross, where my Savior died and was bruised for my sins and by his stripes I am healed.

I have not done all that the word has instructed me to do. The word says fast, the fast that the Lord has chosen in Isaiah 58 - "....then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily." In the book of Daniel - Daniel fasted and ate only fruits and vegatables and he was healthier than anybody under the King's command.

There is wisdom to be found in the word. The Lord has a plan for each one of us. I have put my heart out here just to encourage anyone who is going through sickness, disease, discouragement, seek the Lord, listen to His instruction. It will probably be different than mine, but having the peace of God because you are being obedient during the trials, is encouraging. You may be the only person who understands your actions, but if you are walking in obedience - the Joy of the Lord will be your Strength.

I know that I have people interceeding for me and praying for me and I thank you, I covet those prayers. As you pray blessings will be poured out on you - Praise the Lord.

My journey continues - I'm walking in my healing.

Find Your Voice

2008-09-20T21:53:00.010-04:00

God is so cool! Here I am reading a book for my Motivation & Leadership class, feeling blah - like "am I going to get through this studying?", but-wow-this book is good. I wanted to share a couple of quotes and nuggets that really just struck me. I love when God can take the little things, like the task of a reading assignment for school and speak through it. There's a reason we sing, "Our God is an Awesome God!"

The book I'm reading is, The Leadership Challenge by Kouzes & Posner. It's not a typical textbook but a supplement to our text and if you are in any type of leadership position or God is calling you to aspire into a leader - I definately recommend this read. It's going on my favorite book list - call me a geek. I just can't help it! LOL

The chapter I'm reading now is titled, Find Your Voice. Of course, this is talking about leadership, but the concept is you have to discover who you are and find your voice to be able to express your values through your leadership style. I say we are all leaders in one area or another in our lives, in your career, church, home, community, etc. I like that I can read this book and not only learn on an academic level but grow spiritually. Cool - ugh?

In summary of the chapter we have to find our voice so that our words are our words and not someone's elses - so you will be credible. To find your voice you have to clarify your values and express yourself; geniunely & authentically.

So, here it goes (taken from Kouzes & Posners book)- I hope you enjoy!

"You have to believe in something yourself first, before you can get others to believe." Ashraf Seddeek, Oracle Corporation

In a section discussing finding your values comes this: "The answers to the questions of values will come only when you're willing to take a journey through your inner territory-a journey that'll require opening doors that are shut, walking in dark spaces that are frightening, and touching the flame that burns. But at the end is truth."

John Robbins (founder of EarthSave International) says, "Make a statement with your life that's consistent with your heart, that gives voice to what you really feel is important. We don't have a lot of opportunities, most of us, to take stands - that are seen, anyway, that are visible. But my feeling is that you take it, whether it's seen or not, whether it's recognized or not, whether it's cheered or jeered. You do it because it's in you to do it, and because by doing it you're being true to who you are."

"One route to a true inner voice is in being more conscious about the words you choose and the words you use. Words matter."

"Finding one's voice .... it's a matter of time and a matter of searching - soul-searching."

"You have to be the author of your own story, not the reader of someone else's"

I encourage you all - dig deep and find your voice.

Being Tossed About

2008-09-14T09:15:00.005-04:00

I think that I have bitten off more than I can chew. I work full-time, and right now am going to school full-time taking 6 classes. I also am trying to raise a family in a Christian home. It seems lately I have been so stressed out and pulled in many different directions that I have lost sight of my goals and vision. This weekend I vowed to not go anywhere except Church on Sunday. I wanted to get my act together - persay.

Saturday morning I woke up and put on a pot of coffee. I sat down with my bible and asked the Lord; where should I go? James. So, I flipped to James and read chapter 1. Of course, I have read this many times; but the Lord showed me something new today. I love it when that happens. He spoke to me about my situation. What I am going through is probably what alot of mom's go through at one point or another. But, I have been doubting everything; I've been praying about situations but my faith has been weak.

We know that the word says we should count it joy when we fall into various trials. Now, joy? Can I really count my 20,000 item to-do list and stress - joy? The Lord showed me that he is the source of my joy and in faith I need to trust him to equip me to handle my situations and shine with joy. I want my children to see me rise above all this stress and walk in joy. Right now, they see a stressed-out, burnt-out mom that has a short-temper.

But, the meat of what the Lord really showed me yesterday morning was the doubting. James 1:6, says ask in faith with no doubting because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. Yep, that's me I thought, being tossed around in the sea. As I read the notes in my bible, they read: Doubting means "to be divided in one's mind" or "to debate". The term does not describe a momentary doubt but a divided allegiance, an uncertainty. Yep, I have allowed the enemy to creep in and rob me of my what I know to be true. I have allowed the enemy to play once again in the battlefied - my mind. Thank goodness, the Lord had mercy and fed me the meat today.

He also showed me one more scripture that I thought amazing. James 1:8, "he is a double-minded man; unstable in all his ways." Double-minded is literally "two souls." If one part of a person is set on God and the other is set on the world, there will be constant conflict within. Wow, constant conflict. I know that I have read this many times before and thought that describes people who are out doing really bad stuff but professing to be Christian. Well, this applied to me today. Because I have allowed fear, doubt and worry to penetrate my mind, therefore affecting my spirit-man; I was in "constant conflict within."

I say all this to bring encouragement; We are not alone. The Lord sees us where we are and gently reminds us of our shortcomings; if we will listen and seek Him, he will guide us, equip us and fill us with joy - even in our trials.

"The Joy of the Lord is my Strength" Nehemiah 8:10

Prevailing Prayer

2008-09-09T00:17:00.000-04:00

I want my prayer life to be a prevailing prayer life. Prayer is a way of life. Prayer develops your relationship with Christ. Prayer changes things.

I pray. I have a prayer closet - literally. I have made a space in my closet that I can go to and pray. I can pray until something gives, until Hell has to lose its hold on a situation or a person. The problem sometimes is I allow the enemy to distract me from my prayer life. And, it shows. When I don't pray; my life and my household suffers. I want to change that - I want an amazing prayer life. It's not about show, it's not about others seeing me pray - it's the prayer life that I want in my closet. Sometimes, my secret place is my car, it can be anywhere you choose. When we pray in private, it gets easier to pray in public.

I walk through my house on occasion and pray in each room. We must do spirtually cleansings of our homes. I remember one time a few years ago, my daughter was having nightmares every night. I would go to her and we would pray in the middle of the night, we put a bible under her pillow. It wasn't until I got alone with the Lord that he revealed to me that I had allowed an open door by letting her watch a certain TV show. Once I was able to recognize the way the enemy came in, I was able to shut the door. We prayed together and she didn't watch that TV show anymore.

Prevailing prayer is a powerful, infuential, effective, strong, and triumphant prayer!

Websters describes the word prevailing:
Prevailing 1. To overcome; to gain the victory or superiority; to gain the advantage; to have the upper hand, or the mastery; to succeed; -- sometimes with over or against.
When Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, and when he let down his hand, Amalek
prevailed. --Exodus 17:11
So David prevailed over the Philistine. --1 Sam. 17:50
2. To be in force; to have effect, power, or influence; to be predominant; to have currency or prevalence; to obtain; as, the practice prevails this day.
3. To persuade or induce; -- with on, upon, or with; as, I prevailed on him to wait.

I pray that God would teach me to pray like Jesus prayed. Jesus prayed with prevailing prayer. He got alone and prayed. Don't lose heart, don't give up the fight. God wants to intervene, He loves to do miracles, He just wants us to pray.

Continually pray - prevail.

God's Awesome Wonder

2008-09-03T08:48:00.005-04:00

"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple." - Psalm 27:4

I had the privelage of going to my dad's last weekend. He has a guest house that sits on approx. 140 acres, plus his farm is walking distance down a dirt road. I woke up the first morning we were there and made a pot of coffee. I could hardly wait to walk to the farm and visit with Diana, my step-mom for early morning conversation. So, I fixed my cup of coffee and headed up the long driveway.

As I began to walk, I began to pray. I was awestruck by God. For those of you that live busy lives, in town or cities, I encourage you to get away from it all and feast on the beauty that the Lord has given us.

The birds were singing just for me. God was singing me a song as I walked and talked to him. The crisp breeze was sweeping across my face to let me know that He was there. I was breathing kinda of heavy because of course I was on top of the ridge and it's very hilly there! But as I came to a clearing you could see the landscape for miles. It was beautiful. The bunnies were hopping across the driveway and wild turkeys were in a distance. As I walked and looked around my heart just burst forth with all types of emotions.

First, I couldn't help but repent. I have been so busy that I haven't taken time to reflect on God's creation. I have been so self-absorbed I can only see right in front of me. My problems, my stress, me, me, me. He has placed the trees, the fields, the birds, the breeze for our enjoyment - for us to see how beautiful He is. He loves us so much that he created such a wonderful place for us to reside. Of course, over time man has destroyed alot of it, but we must take time to really pause and look around at God. He loves us and wants us to talk with Him, walk with Him, to be like Him. He wants us to have a relationship with Him. He desires conversations with us.

Second, I was so overjoyed at his greatness. The peace that He brings while being alone at 7:00 a.m. in the country was amazing. My heart was full. I began to praise Him. God is so good. He always meets us where we are.

Finally, I made a commitment that I would take time to reflect on God's amazing beauty. I will find time to look for God in the little things. Take a walk, watch my children interact with others, listen to the birds sing in the early morning, drive with the windows down, etc. God is always there - it's us that loses our focus.

"Come near to God and he will come near to you." - James 4:8

Be on Guard

2008-08-20T08:53:00.005-04:00

"There is no neutral ground in the universe: every square inch, every split second, is claimed by God and counterclaimed by Satan." - C.S. Lewis

A very real devil is intent on spoiling your life. But be assured that in Christ you have the authority to defeat Satan's schemes. These are times that we need to have the word hidden in our heart. We need to speak the word to the atmosphere and walk in the authority that is ours through Christ. We need to rebuke Satan.

So many times Christians, including myself, allow the enemy victory. We walk around defeated, depressed and miserable. But, the word says, "the joy of the Lord is my strength." The word says, "greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world." The word says, we need to put on the armour of God (Ephesians 6) because our battle is against the darkness of this world.

Let me tell you briefly what happened on Saturday at my house. My daughther had just come home from church camp the day before. My husband was out golfing. As I woke up in the morning I got up quietly and let my daughter sleep in, she was exhausted from being gone all week. When she finally got up around lunch time she had a attitude. I allowed her attitude to affect my attitude and when my husband came home the entire house was "infected." This is something that had been happening more and more frequent. My husband and I started arguing, I cried, I was furious, I was sad, I was so many things. Finally, when I got quiet - I was able to hear the Holy Spirit - "Enough is enough." I repented, for allowing the enemy to gain access like that into my own thoughts, words and actions and also my home.

You may find in the following sentences that I took radical steps, but I believe in this day we must!

I jumped up and ran outside, my husband was at his truck praying. I began to circle my house and pray aloud with boldness. I didn't know where it was coming from at the time, all I know is I was being obedient and letting the Holy Spirit do what the Holy Spirit does. After the first circle, I was praying in the spirit with boldness like it was life or death. And, you what - it was. It was a matter if interceding for my home - home is where the heart is. Home should be a sanctuary of peace. After several circles around my house, I moved to the inside. I prayed in each room. All the while, my daughter was in her room in silence because she knew that she had gone too far.

I called her to the living room and began to speak life over her. I layed hands on her and prayed over her. When we finished she looked up at me and I told her to go to her room and pray alone. I continued to pray and walked out into the sunroom - I saw my husband kneeling on the steps and praying as well. I began to praise the Lord for our victory.

When I went back to my daughters room, I saw her on her bed with her face down and hands out praying. I prayed with her some more and we talked about how the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. That we need to be aware of his schemes and take authority over him. I'm so thankful that even at 11, she knows what happens when she falls out of alignment, but she also knows the power of forgiveness, love and prayer.

We swept out those spirits on Saturday, but we still have to be on guard. I know that the enemy will continue to attack, but we are clinging to the word.

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13

No "Time-Outs" Allowed

2008-08-14T14:04:00.007-04:00

Alright, we are in a war here. We don’t get to have a “time out” or pity parties. During war we have people that will give us relief when we need a rest – I thank God that the Lord blessed me with a couple of women who will say, “Okay, while you are down, while you are at rest – I’ll lift you up, I will pray for you.” Thank God, for sisters willing to say, “I got your back” and then, are willing to say, “Okay, get up – let’s go, we don’t have time to get discouraged and look behind us – we have to move forward. It’s time to press on.” I want to thank them – thank so much for your selflessness and wisdom.

I have taken Galations 5 and made it my own and I encourage you to soak up the word, find scriptures that apply to what you are going through or may need and speak them aloud - make them your own prayer, your own proclamation. Don't give up - there are no "time-outs" in the battlefield. Until we have won, we must press on.

1It is for freedom that Christ has set Melissa (me) free. I will stand firm, then, and will not be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

13You, Melissa, were (I was) called to be free. I will not use my freedom to indulge the sinful nature[a]; rather, I will serve others in love. 14The entire law is summed up in a single command: I will "Love my neighbor as myself."

16So I say to you Melissa, (I) live by the Spirit, I will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But I am led by the Spirit, I am not under law.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Melissa belongs to Christ Jesus and has crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since Melissa (I) lives by the Spirit, I keep in step with the Spirit. 26Melissa (I) will not become conceited, provoking and envying others.

I refuse to walk by emotions. I walk by faith, I walk in the spirit, I walk knowing that I am a daughter of the King. I am accepted. I am loved. Since I walk in the spirit, I love, I am joyful, I have peace, I have patience, I am kind, I am good, I am faithful, I am gentle, I have self-control. We must speak this to the atomsphere and be confident.

Thank you Lord for your gentle reminders, thank you for other believers that bring words of encouragement. I love you, Lord.

Be Still

2008-08-13T12:07:00.004-04:00

This song has really ministered to me; I encourage you to listen at the link below.

Be Still
by Storyside B

I remember all the times
The good times and the bad
I'm still holding on to You
Some days I wanna run
Sometimes I come undone
But I still belong to You

That's how I know that

When I feel like caving in
My heart, my soul is wearing thin
I just want to give up
Nothing seems at all to add up
Can you hear me, Lord
My face is down upon the floor
It's then You whisper in my ear
"Be still and know I'm here"

I see a side of you, my friend
The same struggles that I have
And my heart goes out to you
I know it's hard to feel alone
In this world so unforgiving
I've been feeling that way too

But I can tell you

When I feel like caving in
My heart, my soul is wearing this
I just want to give up
Nothing seems at all to add up
Can you hear me, Lord
My face is down upon the floor
It's then You whisper in my ear
"Be still and know I'm here"

Is that you, is this me
It's sometimes hard to believe that
I am not alone
It's not just you, and not just me
We all need to believe that
We are not alone

When I feel like caving in
My heart and soul are wearing thin
I just want to give up
Nothing seems at all to add up
I know you hear me, Lord
When my face is down upon the floor
It's then You whisper in my ear
"Be still and know I'm here"

(We are not alone)
"Be still and know I'm here"

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8c8d1de2046272bda28d

In a Funk

2008-08-10T09:52:00.004-04:00

It's been a while since my last blog. I was on vacation for a week and then my internet was down last week - hince no blogging.

I am still on my love journey and have come to terms with the fact this journey is a lifetime journey. I learn every day. I have been more aware of my surroundings, my thoughts toward others and myself; and how I react to people. I have been evaluating my relationships and giving more of myself. I am halfway through the book, Reduce Me to Love. I am digesting it little by little and sometimes painfully learning lessons that the Lord has in store for me.

To be honest, I'm somewhat in a funk and need to shake it. I don't know what direction to go. Should I fast, should I step back more, should I press in? These are questions I am facing today. I don't feel like I can write anything of substance until my head is clear. I need the Lord to move. I got this simple message today.

"Never giver up, for that is the place and the time that the tide will turn."

Harriet Beecher Stowe

Hebrews 10:35, 35 says:
"Cast not away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You have need of patience so that after doing the will of God, you will receive the promise."

Mirror of Love

2008-07-26T10:36:00.011-04:00

1 Corinthians 13 - The Greatest Gift
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

As I began to this study on love, I had no idea that the Lord would bring me back to the mirror. This morning as I studied the above scripture my spirit leaped at the sight of the scripture on the mirror. My Nelson study bible states that this mirror is probably the Word of God, "which can only give us a partial understanding of God." It goes on to state that this will change when we see Him face to face. For me, that was a revelation into my own recent confrontation with the woman in the mirror. The mirror can only give me a partial understanding of who I am. Who I am in the physical sense; how I look, how I take care of myself on the outside and also the thoughts I have toward myself. I can only continue to press on improving all those aspects of who that woman in the mirror is and continue to study the Word - the mirror of God, but the true reality of who I am will be revealed when I am face to face with the Lord.

2 Corinthians 3:18 - The Glory
18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

Matthew Henry's commentary states, "We behold Christ, as in the glass of his word; and as the reflection from a mirror causes the face to shine, the faces of Christians shine also." When I look into that mirror my heart needs to be clear, my spirit filled with love for others, my thoughts pure, knowledge of the word so that woman staring back at me shines. If I can see it, others will too. When I see only negative things about myself, others will too. "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he..." (Proverbs 23:7) How can I pass from glory to glory going through the sanctification process if I don't first love myself and shine? I can't! My Nelson Study bible states, "ALL believers behold the glory of the Lord in the Scripture and are transformed into the image of God. Christ is the image of God. Glory to glory = an ever-growing glory. As believers behold the the glory of god in the Word of God, the Spirit of God transforms them into the likeness of Jesus Christ." When I look into the mirror I want to see Jesus because my desire is for other to see Jesus in me.

James 1:23-25 - Doers
23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

Tying this all together - when I look at myself in the mirror, knowing that I am made in God's image and God is love and I walk away forgetting who I am and not being a person of love then I am not a doer of the word (the mirror of God). Nelson's states, "the perfect law of liberty is the law of love. Loving God and loving's one neighbor sums up the Law. But it is Christ's love which frees us from our sins to truly love others."

The most important thing in our Christian walk is love. If we have everything else but not love - we have nothing. So I say to you, LOVE.

Love deeply, and love freely.

Lord, Reduce Me to Love

2008-07-22T22:31:00.002-04:00

I can't begin to express what I have uncovered in this short 24 hours since my last blog on Love. I was at work today and boy was I having a horrible day. I just didn't have any good feelings toward anybody - LOL. I knew that the enemy was hot after my thoughts and reactions. But, I kept quiet and worked all day. I was driving down the road and remembered a book that I have (one of the many that I haven't read) by Joyce Meyer, Reduce Me to Love. I have tried to pick it up before but never got interested in it. So, tonight I went to my bookshelf and began to read.

Wow. So, this is the right book for me, right now. It is filled with scripture which led me to my notebook. I am going to study every scripture on love in the Bible and write them in my notebook. I have read the introduction and the first chapter and had to come share my new find. If anybody out there is struggling like I am with love, I encourage you to search the Word and ask the Lord to "reduce you to love." So far, I recommend the book too!

So, here it goes .. my continued journey on love and my new prayer, "Lord, reduce me to love."

"Love is the trademark of the Christian. When we purchase something, we like to check the quality. We look at the label or we look for certain trademarks that have a reputation for being good. I want people to think of me as someone who loves them. I want to be a light in a dark place. I want to make them thirsty for God." Joyce Meyer

Love

2008-07-21T21:05:00.005-04:00

As I sat in church Sunday morning, I listened to the message my pastor was preaching and my heart broke. He began preaching on his vision for our church - LAF. Love. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Sounds simple, right? After all, that's what Jesus did for me. He loved me, accepted me and forgave me. He loved me before I gave my heart to Him. He accepted me before I accepted Him and when I cried out for forgiveness, He forgave. You know, going into the church service Sunday morning, I felt good about my relationship with Christ. I felt like I was doing the right things; I mean I am slack and sometimes get too busy with life that I neglect my spiritual life. Sometimes I get down and out, but that's because I am human. I felt good about serving Him and doing what I can in the church and living for him.

But, as I listened to my pastor preach on love - his passion and conviction - his geniune love for others - I realized that I have some issues that I need to work out. And, I can only work them out through trusting the Lord, prayer and the word - and most importantly letting the Lord heal and work in my life.

In an earlier blog, I mentioned that I am a loner by nature. I am. I have a hard time trusting people and building relationships. To keep it short and simple: I have a hard time receiving love and I have a hard time giving it. I don't love people like Jesus did. I want too. This is very difficult for me to verbalize, but I pray that as I pour out my heart, and through my journey, others will be encouraged.

There are exceptions to my love issue. I do believe with all my heart that Jesus loves me and I love Him. I love Him with all my soul. I also love my family. My husband and children are my world. I love on them like there is no tommorrow, we believe in bedtime prayers, we believe in tucking eachother in and giving lots of hugs & kisses. My home is a home of love. But, once I step out into the world - I withdraw into myself.

I went to the alter on Sunday and repented. I asked the Lord to teach me to love. First, I asked the Lord to help me not to be judgemental, not to be condemning, but to love. I am very careful about that anyway because I know that it's wrong - but I distance myself alot anyway. My pastor said that the first part to others seeing Christ in us is relationship. It's love. I'm scared to death. Just typing that gave me jolts of fear through my body - honestly. I still believe what I mentioned in an earlier blog about our inner circle - after all Jesus had the disciples. But, he geniunely loved everybody - with no conditions. Pastor mentioned that even when Jesus was angry at the Pharisees, he stilled loved them. He was angered at sin, but loved the person. I know all this - but it didn't hit me until Sunday that I don't love people like Jesus loved people.

But isn't that what we are supposed to do? Our pastor gave one scripture after another about loving one another. Scriptures that I have read time and time again. I have failed. I am nauseous just thinkg about this lesson the Lord is teaching me. He is growing me, I know. It's part of my pruning. But, this is very hard - I can't imagine what He is going to do in my life or who He is going to bring into life or cross my path. But, I am open to whatever He wants to do. In the meantime, I am going to embark on a study of love.

Looking back, the work had already begun in me when I started blogging, because the first step to loving others is loving yourself. I have been reflecting on who I am and choosing to love the woman staring back at me in the mirror. So, now that I have resolved to love myself - the Lord brought me one step further with the message Pastor Pat delivered.

I pray that I can learn to receive love, to trust people and give love like Jesus loved. I want others to see Jesus in me and I want to love - to really love; unconditionally.

My Praise is a Weapon

2008-07-13T08:02:00.008-04:00

If you know anything about me; you know that I praise the Lord. He is my salvation, my rock, my deliverer, my healer, my friend, the lover of my soul. Praise and worship runs through my veins - its a part of me. I can't keep my praises in. I long to praise and worship the Lord. I get into my car - I put in a CD and I praise! I praise when I clean my house - God is so good to me.

I praise Him when I'm happy. I praise Him when I'm sad. Sometimes, when I am weak and struggling it's a sacrafice of praise. I praise Him in the sanctuary. Ahh, corporate worship, how awesome. When God's people come together and worship the Lord together - we build a throne of praise for Him to come and sit on. We invite the Lord to show up! I love to enter into His house with thanksgiving in my heart and enter His courts with praise! (Psalm 100:4)

"The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him; My father's God, and I will exalt Him." (Exodus 15:2)

"He is your praise, and He is your God, who has done for you these great and awesome things which you eyes have seen." (Deuteronomy 10:21)

I Praise the Lord because He created me to praise Him. We are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) - that's enough to Praise Him right there. I praise the Lord, he delivered me out of my troubles, set me free from bondage and broke strongholds! He pulled me out of the pits of darkness into the Light. I've seen Him work miracles, heal the sick and crippled. He delivered my husband from alcohol and restored my marriage. Jesus forgave me of all my wrongs; and restored my soul. I am free. My God is Good!

If you want a breakthrough, if you need order and balance in your life - PRAISE! If your home, marriage, finances, and heath are under attack - PRAISE HIM with the power and annointing of the Holy Spirit - PRAISE GOD. Order and balance will be restored when you bring your focus to Him. Trust Him.

There is power in Praise! My Praise is a Weapon! There is a song that Eddie James sings on his Freedom CD called Lion of Judah/My Praise is a Weapon - below is the recap of "My Praise is a Weapon." If you can get this CD - I highly recommend it - it's powerful.

Watch my video entitled - WHY I PRAISE! These are special people in my life - I am blessed. (P.S. the song on video is also on Freedom CD, I wanted to use "My Praise is a Weapon but it was too long - LOL).

My Praise Is a Weapon
Yes it's a declaration
My God is King
He can do anything

My Praise is a Weapon
Yes it's a revelation
If God be for me
Tell me who can be against me

No weapon formed against me
by the enemy shall prosper
But I've got a weapon that will always have power
My weapon is praise, for the rest of my days
I'm stomping on the devil as I lift Jesus name

Alpha, Omega, Jehovah, Messiah

Healer, Deliverer, My Victory from the enemy

I praise You, I lift You up

Praise the Lord - He is worthy to be Praised! God bless and have a great day!

Right People

2008-07-10T20:43:00.008-04:00

Jentezen Franklin just released a new CD series RP3 with a 30 day devotional. Of course, I bought it several weeks ago - and listened to the first 2 CD's and am almost finished with the devotional then put it down for a while. But, I am vowing to finish this so I can move on to my next study. It has been really good - I do recommend it. RP3 is Right People, Right Place, Right Plan - it's a journey to discerning the voice of God. I have 2 more CD's to listen to, then I will probably listen again. I want to really digest these messages - it's definately for me; right now.

Right People. I have been praying that the Lord bring the right people into my life. I want to develop character discernment to know the right people from the wrong people. Franklin says in his devotional, "when some people come into your life, they don't just bring their bodies-they bring their spirits. There are two kinds of people: "flesh people" and "faith people."" There have been times in my Christian walk that I have been a "flesh person" friend. The "flesh person" tears you down, feeds your fears, wastes your time and drains your energy. They can still be Christian and be a "flesh person." Sadly, I have one particular relationship that I saw myself being this "flesh person" friend. I immediately recognized my failure (during this study) and asked the Lord to change me and I confronted my friend and asked her to forgive me. It was hard for me to admit that I was acting this way - but let's just keep it real - I was! Thank God for a friend that forgives and loved me enough to stick with me anyway. I want to be a faith person - I count it joy that I could recognize my failures and repent so that God could develop character discernment in me. I want to surround myself with faith people but be grounded enough that I can reach out to my "flesh people" friends and love them as my friend loved me.

God has been transitioning me. We all know that the Lord brings people into your life; sometimes for a season; sometimes for a lifetime. Jentezen Franklin decribes Power Relationships in his book. He explains that anytime you're about to go to a new level or enter into a new season, God will bring new people into your life. These people (saved or unsaved) can become the Power Relationships that release you from the old and move you into the new season that God has for you. He goes on to say that dormant potential can be unlocked if you enter into Power Relationships. Somebody else is already at the level you're going to - somebody else has already made it through the mess you're trying to find your way out of. A few months ago I entered into such a Power Relationship and I believe the Lord began a great work in me - this Power Relationship encourages me to unlock my potential and holds me accountable. I pray that I can be the Power Relationship for them as they are for me. I thank the Lord for the right people.

A few weeks ago I had the honor of hosting a woman's retreat with 11 awesome women of God. During this weekend we encouraged eachother through notecards and miscellaneous activities. We got to know eachother more and trusted eachother with intimate details of ourselves. We all need to be encouraged at one time or another - this weekend was a time of refreshing and renewal for us. Jenetzen talks about "Kingdom Connections": people God puts in your life who act like bridges to get you where you are supposed to go. In Paul's ministry - God sent Ananias when Paul needed healing (Acts 9:10-18). When Paul needed encouragement - God sent Titus (2 Cor. 7:6) and when then disciples rejected Paul - God sent Barnabus (Acts 9:26-27). I believe that during this retreat Kingdom Connections were made. I continue to pray that the Lord send bridge people my way and that my steps would be ordered as I fulfill my calling to be a bridge person and encourager in somebody's life.

I have said all that to say this, one statement Jenetzen wrote stuck with me during my devotions - "If God wants to bless you, He will send a person; and if Satan wants to curse you, he will send a person." WOW. We need to pray for 20/20 discernment in the spirit world to know the right people from the wrong people. (And not to forget to cover yourself that you would not turn into the wrong person - I never want to hinder someone's walk or cause harm.) You know, having the wrong people in your inner circle can cause you to miss your blessing and keep you from being in the center of God's will. I'm not suggesting you only befriend faith people, I'm just saying that we have to be careful who we let into our inner circle as we tend to become like who we are around the most.

Adapted & Summarized from RP3 Devotional: Sometimes we have to throw people overboard like the mariner's did Jonah. Remember, when you throw a Jonah off your boat, God is still there for them. When the marnier's threw Jonah off the boat - God prepared a fish to swallow him and spit him back on shore - to get back on track. WHEN YOU ALLOW THE WRONG PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU'RE NOT HELPING THEM - YOU MAY BE KEEPING THEM FROM WHAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THEM. You cannot worship God as you ought to as long as there are toxic relationships and turmoil all around. Whatever is stealing your peace and rocking your boat, whatever is taking your smile away, reach down, pick it up, and throw it overboard. Then do what the marniers did - start worshipping God.

I felt like sharing what I am learning about right people because for me; this has been huge as I am realizing the impact relationships have on my spiritual journey. Again, I want to make it clear that I am allowing God to change me and mold me to be a faith person because I have a hard time developing relationships. I am a loner by nature and tend to pull away when things get to close, but I am trying to step outside my comfort zone and allow God to heal me because I want to be somebody's encourager, bridge person, power relationship. I thank God for the times when people have thrown me overboard so God could work in my life and prepare me to do what He is calling me to do. At the time, I was hurt but looking back - I see that God kept me. He has a plan and I am trusting Him to send the right people so we can establish "Kingdom Connections."

The Center of God's Will

2008-07-09T20:41:00.001-04:00

Recently, I purchased yet another book to add to my collection, Praying God's Will for Your Life by Stormie OMartian. I love books. I have great intentions to read them all too! Problem is I get sidetracked and tend to jump from one book to the next. But, last week I vowed to complete the books I am currently reading and then read the ones on my shelf that I bought with intentions to go deeper in my spiritual walk. I want to read what I have before I go buying more. One of my favorite things is to go get a cup of coffee and browse the book store - oh, man - I could stay for hours. Yeah, I'm a riot! LOL

Anyway, I just finished that great little devotional yesterday by Stormie. This little book takes you through her journey from getting saved to walking in God's will and gives practical biblical principles to your spiritual well-being.

I want nothing more than to be in the center of God's will for my life. Tonight at church our pastor taught on walking in the spirit and bearing fruit. He left us with the question; Are you?

Am I bearing fruit? The Bible says in Galations 5 that the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Am I reaching outside of my comfort zone, outside of my church, outside the box? I want my life to bear fruit. I want to be the center of God's will. I want to make a difference in somebody's life. When I stand before the Lord, I want to have done the things He has called me to do.

I know that God has a purpose for my life, the Bible says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) The problem is I doubt myself. I love the Lord and I desire to walk in obedience so much that I allow the enemy to sometimes rob me of my blessing because I doubt my ability in Him. I get in the way of God's plan because I doubt I can make a difference, I doubt I can really be effective, doubt, doubt, doubt! But isn't that what the devil wants? If he can cause me to doubt who I am in Christ and what the Lord can do through me, then he can keep me going in circles my entire Christian life. In her book, Stormie says that, "One of the devils favorite tactics is to send the doubting spirit to torment us."

Faith. I need to walk in faith. The Bible says, "Whatever is not from faith is sin" (Romans 14:23). So, basicially faith is obedience and doubt disobedience. When I walk in faith - I am exercising obedience. When I am obedient - I will be in the center of God's will. In 2004, I received a prophetic word about my obedience:

"Many souls are going to be won because of you. Walking away God will be well pleased with you and they'll come in. You're going to be one that helps this church grow. Watch the words of your mouth saith the Lord, for in your words, I shall draw men, in your obedience, I shall draw men, in your actions, I shall draw men."

It's time for me to stop doubting, to stop running and justifying my insecurity - it's time for me to rise up and walk in obedience. This blog is an act of obedience for me. It's hard to put myself out here but I know this is what the Lord wants me to do. I don't know why - but I am walking in obedience and stepping out in faith.

For me, I need to recognize when I am attacked by a spirit of doubt and take it to the Lord immediately. As Christians, we don't have time to entertain these attacks. Time is of the essence - we need to be obedient now. There is a harvest of souls waiting for us.

"The center of God's will is not a destination; it's the process itself. God's will is a place we choose to live everyday as we seek intimate relationship with the Lord, lay a solid foundation in Him, and learn to walk in His way." - Stormie OMartian, Praying God's Will for Your Life

Bad Enough

2008-07-07T21:05:00.000-04:00

Okay. So, today I looked long and hard in the mirror. I don't know about you, but the first thing I am drawn to is my weight. My face looks puffy all the time and I am beginning to see myself age. I started making a list in my head of the things I needed to do to enhance my appearance because I am starting to look old - LOL. Of course, all I can see are those 10 lbs. that I need to lose! I have been trying to get these 10 lbs. off for about a year now. Today, I came to the conclusion that, I must not want it bad enough.

My eating habits are horrible. What can I say? I love chocolate. I love coke. I love cheese. And, I love coffee with my cream and sugar.

That being said, I also realized that looking at all the physical imperfections about myself distracts me from seeing what God sees and being who God wants me to be. While I am worrying about my physical weight and all my physical imperfections - I am allowing Satan access to my life. I am allowing negative spiritual weight - to weigh me down.

While, I would like to lose 10 lbs., I know that it will take some work. Work, that up until now I have been committed to like a lightswitch - on again, off again. I wanted it - but just not bad enough. But, now I am going to bring my flesh into alignment with my spirit! I have decided that while I change the way I feed my physical body, I am going to change the way I am feeding my spirit. My step-mother always told me "garbage in; garbage out." This phrase has stuck with me all my life. Now, as I look into the mirror I can see the result of the "garbage" I have allowed myself to digest - phyically and spiritually.

"You are what you eat" is another phrase that sticks out in my mind. At 36, I can see the harsh realities of the caffeine, sugar and carbs on my face and on my body. As a Christian, I can see the damage that fleshly desires and actions have done to my spirit. For example, when I drink too much caffeine and eat to much junk, my stomach hurts and I feel terrible. But, the next day - I do it all over again. Why? Because, I love the taste and the jolt of energy I get for that brief moment in time. Isn't that the same with wordly temptations? When we give into the flesh; it feels good for the moment but then we feel bad about it. But - after a few hours, days, or weeks have gone by - we do it all over again. It becomes habit; addiction. It's because our flesh is in constant war with our spirit.

As a result, when we look in the mirror all we can see is the negativity we feel about ourselves. I have come to the conclusion and definate resolution that first, I am going to love myself. I am going to love the women looking back at me. I am going to come to terms with my imperfections and allow the Lord to help me change my habits, both physically and spiritually. Today, I realized that the key to allowing Him to change me is for me to love who I am first. Love myself enough to want to eat to live and not live to eat. Love myself enough to feed my spirit with things of the spirit, "finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things." (Phillipians 4:8)

Looking in the mirror, I will choose to see a woman of God, a daughter of the King, blessed and highly favored. Looking in the mirror, I will say, "Yes, I want it bad enough!" And, as a result my "weights" will come off.

HPFWC Freedom Fest 2008

2008-07-07T19:41:00.000-04:00

Watch my slideshow .... 4th of July Freedom Fest!

I was attacked by the cotton candy machine; but we stayed true to the end. Those kids wanted their cotton candy - we couldn't give up! Once we got that squared away; all ran smooth...until the STORM happened. Tents went flying; the bounce house went tumbling over - no kids were tossed - thank you Jesus! The winds came, the rain poured, the lightening flashed - but we had a great time! Kudos to Highest Praise for pulling it off and working together - we'll get our fireworks on Sunday night.....better late than never.

Today - I enjoyed myself.

Faith, Family & Freedom

2008-07-04T10:32:00.000-04:00

Independence Day!

As a child, the 4th of July always meant fun, food & fireworks. As I anticipate the festivities of Freedom Fest at Highest Praise FWC; I want to reflect on what it means to me - today. Reflecting not only on our freedom as a nation, but my freedom in Christ.

First, let me just say that I believe as Americans we sometimes take for granted our freedom. My niece, Erica joined the army a few years ago and was stationed in Iraq. I am very proud of her and admire her for serving our country. I would have to think that she recognizes what our freedom really means. I praise the Lord, that we have men and women that will stand and fight for our freedom. I praise the Lord, that I live in a country that allows me to exercise my freedom as a civilian, but most importantly allows me to exercise my freedom in Christ. But, as a country, we have taken what once stood on solid Christian values and turned it into a country that is standing in immorality, poverty and destruction. We have taken for granted the blessings from God. I am saddened at the condition of our country - for my children and should the Lord tarry, future generations. God's hand of protection will not always be on the United States, the warnings have been clear - but, for now - I just look to the heavens and thank him for another day and pray His protection and mercy over us.

Praise the Lord - there is another freedom. Liberation! Freedom in Christ! "He who the Son sets free, is free indeed." (John 8:36, paraphrased) When you allow the Lord to fully control your life, you find liberty. This has been a long, hard road for me (and hopefully through this blog I will be able share my story a piece at a time); but I can say now - I am free. Free to praise, free to worship, free to love, free to dance, free to be me. In Christ, we are promised freedom from worry, fear, rejection, doubt, anxiety - no more depression, no more bondage - freedom!

"Now the Lord is the spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." (2 Cor. 3:17) Walk in your freedom today. Let the sunshine brush your face, stand in your faith, embrace your family and love freely. If you get to watch fireworks tonight, let it take your breath away, with each spark, with each explosion - celebrate your spiritual freedom.

God bless you!

Who am I?

2008-07-04T01:08:00.003-04:00

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who was starring back at you? I mean really, really looked and wondered, who is she? Who is that woman stopping long enough to stare? Habitually, I look at her everyday. Routinely, I go through the tasks of face washing, make-up, hair, brushing teeth, etc. But, have only once slowed down long enough to ask that question, and then answered....in half-truths.

Truth is; I'm 36 years old and am still wondering....who is she? Who is this woman staring back at me in the mirror. I want to know her, I want her to laugh, I want her to be silly, I want her to embrace the life God has given her, I want her......to find me.

Truth is; I know who I am in Christ. I've been on a spiritual journey for quite some time. I'm thankful that I have a relationship with Christ and He is growing me everyday. Check out this link: http://www.ficm.org/newsite/index.php?command=textwhoamiinchrist. He has brought me so far - but:

Truth is; I need balance. I find myself so busy that I forget about me. I have to come to realize in order for me to walk in my identity in Christ, I first have to realize who that woman is staring at me. Somewhere between being a wife, mother, student, God-chaser, friend and holding a job - I lost her.

Truth is; I'm so ready. So here it begins, with blogging.

I want to live, really live.