Well, here we are...January is almost over and I haven't blogged since Christmas Eve. The New Year brought about some self-reflecting and change. I've always been pretty transparent in my posts, I guess it’s because I just express myself through writing and I'm pretty much a "what you see is what you get kind of girl."
This post will just be an update of the happenings in "my world." I quit my job to pursue a different career path - I'm pretty excited about the challenges ahead and the places I'm going. I have also been reading two books: Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey and Eat. Pray. Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Both books are presenting me with challenges and causing me to do a lot of reflecting and forward-thinking.
I'm truly at a crossroads in my life. I've come to realize that over the years I've lost sight of who I truly am. I know who I am in Christ. I know who I am as a mother and wife. But, who am I really? And what do I want out of my life? I know that I can't be the first person to ask these questions.
I got married right out of high school when I was 18 years old. I've been married for 20 years and have been a mother for 16. I think many women jump into being a wife and mother and get caught up in that life and soon they lose themselves in the routines of taking care of everybody else…before you know it - they don’t recognize the person in the mirror.
I may catch some resistance and/or judgments on this next statement but that’s okay because part of my growth is that I realize as long as I am good with “me” – that’s what matters. So, I’ve declared 2011 a year of self-discovery. My girlfriends and I commonly joke about the phrase, “It’s all about ME.” But, I think there is something in that statement. I’m going to challenge myself to dig deep and truly discover what my hopes and dreams are, what are my goals and what do I want to accomplish in life. I do understand that as a Christian my life should be a life of servant hood and a life all about Him. The common phrase is, “It’s all about Him, not about me.” But, I also get that I need to take a look at my life…reflect and set goals of where I want to be in 10, 20, and even 30 years from now but also ask where does the Lord want me to be. Because in the end, when I look back on my life I want no regrets. I don't want to be the one sitting around wishing I had done things differently or blaming someone else for what I didn't do.
I know some will disagree with me, some will not and some won’t care because they are on their own journey and feel it’s none of their business. Amy Grant and Mindy Smith wrote a song called, “Find What Your Looking For” based on Amy’s grandmother’s wisdom. She used to tell Amy, “There’s a little good in the worst of us, and a little bad in the best of us, so it never behooves any of us to criticize the rest of us.” It’s a beautiful song and I will cling to that when the judgments come. It’s not about anybody else anyway…who I am - is about me. I’ve lost part of me. Therefore - I’m good with what lies ahead. I’m prepared for unleashing what lies within and with facing the challenges to get there.
In the end - I'm going to be good with "me", the "me" that I can't wait to get to know and the "me" that's going to enjoy life and be happy.
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